Page IV: More ramblings of an Indian Woman/Celtic Crone... continued on Page V.
Look at the picture above. Do you see a mill house or a bridge. I love such images. I guess with the artist eye I see lots of things a bit differently than others. Any way that has been my experience. I cannot look at this image without seeing both.
Once again, I believe I should stress that I add to the top of my pages, not the bottom. A little more difficult for my reader, but easier for me.
August 2, 2011: (not completely proof read, but I felt it was a bit self conscious. Somehow it seemed important to clarify and make these points. I'll have another look another time. )
Now let’s take a closer look at the Commandment, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” or “Love thy neighbor as thyself” in fact, love everyone as yourself.
Alright, this is to me one of the most important commandments to understand. If you cannot love yourself, you cannot love anyone else. I believe most of us have heard this given at least lip service. I believe it to be very true. We all know or have heard of marriages where there is an abused wife who will not leave her husband when she can. Now I’m not talking here about a woman who stays in an abusive relationship with children. That to me is a travesty. What consenting adults do of their own free will is their own business as long as children are not part of the equation. We may be appalled by the woman that is beaten senseless and keeps returning for more, but that is her prerogative.
I want you to think now of that situation in this light for a few seconds. If one does not feel they are worthy of love, they will accept such treatment as their due. As well, if one feels they do not deserve love, one will despise the person who loves them for themselves. They will only be able to find love when they learn that if you love yourself, then you will not accept anything but a loving supportive relationship. It is better to be alone than to choose someone who despises you merely to keep from being alone. And someone who abuses you does in his/her own way despise you. You cannot do that to someone you truly love. It would be incomprehensible.
Now, look from the perspective of the abuser. Why should a person respect someone who lets them knock them around and disrespect them in all ways? They feel they are worthless, so why respect someone who allows them to prove they are right. Now consider the abuser who continually brow beats his victim, and victim it is; he is in reality saying, "you are worthless to me." What he is saying is that it gives him/her a feeling of power to dominate you in such a way. But that feeling of power will not last, so he has to repeat offend against your very spirit. And each time, it takes more. What he does not know is that his violent dominance says that he feels less than he should. He actually despises him/herself. And nothing good can come from a person who feels he is worthless deep down in his/her own gut. Therefore a child is worthless, because s/he is positive that nothing good could come from him/her. A wife who allows abuse is worthless or she would not allow it. This is a topic fresh in my mind because I saw and heard so much of this from my students.
I spent a lot of time with students who appeared angry at the world wondering how I could help them. Then one day I had a young man who could not even focus on the smallest task, and he was ready to become very abusive and even combative if he felt he was being called out in any way. In fact, he seemed to be waiting for some one to look at him in the wrong way. Often he spent most of the class period either with his head down or glaring at me. This never bothered me personally. I know who I am and how to be in the world so a child's opinion of me was neither here nor there. Of course, I hoped they would like me, and most did; but I was surely was not devastated if they did not. A teacher who takes personally the attitudes of children is not ready to be a teacher in my humble opinion. It is easy to get frustrated, but one must never take it personally. Make a discipline decision and stick with it.
One day it was just my intuition to speak. Without much thought, I said, "if you have someone who is constantly tearing you down and telling you that you are no good, worthless, and stupid; I want you to consider something. What s/he is saying is that anything that comes out of me has to be worthless, because I am worthless. He or she is the one with the problem not you, so if you will just remember that fact when he is being abusive, it will help. Don't let anyone tear you down because he has a self esteem issue." Periodically I would relate this idea again in different ways when he was in the classroom, because I saw the first time I mentioned this concept that he stopped and looked a little confused for a few moments as he seemed to be taking in what I said. I then added to the issue that if you are in a physically abusive situation and you cannot get help, then "lay low." You only have a few more years to be grown. When s/he is in an evil mood, get yourself out of the path the best you can. Whatever it takes, and do not confront him; because that is probably what s/he wants as it gives s/he an excuse to do what s/he wants to do, and that is to knock you down a peg. You have to remind yourself everytime it happens or you start to believe that persons opinion of you when in truth s/he is the one with the problem, not you.
I watched that young man physically relax and become almost a new personality over a period of a few months. I would catch him looking at me in a kind of wonder and even affection. I knew my instinct was right. And I was quite sure that there were many other students who were in the same situation, but did not show it.
The Creator works in mysterious ways through your Guides and Teachers from your Soul Gestalt, if you but trust your instincts. I was told long ago that I would touch the lives of many people, and I know that I did at my school. And that makes all the stress and headache with some of the faculty and administrators worth while. If adults in schools would all stick together for the best interest of the students, schools would be better places. I learned to hate the social politics of teaching, which was with the adluts, NOT the students.
In the light of Gestalt Soul Groups, it is very difficult to know who is a fragment of your own Soul and who is not. I believe that if individuals realized that they might very well literally be abusing themselves, they might think twice about the abuse. It is strange to me that a man, for example, feels it is alright to abuse his own children or someone else’s, then begs for mercy when caught in the act or on trial for said abuse. This as well may explain why abuse is so cyclical in that one who is abused often abuses. It seems that they are proving that it is not wrong by repeating the offense. And they are reaping immediate Karma for their actions. All time is now, so that a Soul personality who is focused in this reality has need for growth, what better way to learn than to have fragments of yourself come in contact with you and your behavior. That does not mean that we should not work like crazy to illeviate abuse. We most definitely should. That may be the karmic difference we are going to make in the lives of many who could all be you. I confess I find that a bit comical if I can look past the pain of the situation for all concerned. (I here refer to my broken legs example in an earlier entry, July 17th.) We never know for sure our role in the scenario in which we find ourselves, so I believe it behooves us to behave in the most loving way we can. By doing so we are raising the entire consciousness of our Soul Gestalt to higher levels of evolution.
You have to love yourself enough to do what is for the highest good of your entire Soul Personality as you can see it. There are many different kinds of love. Sometimes it is just tough love for two parties. If a relationship is not serving you well, and you feel as though you are not being respected in that relationship then you should pull back until either you can handle the situation or realize that you are better off without it. Sometimes some distance makes a big difffernce, there is never a reason to not believe that a relationship can change for the better. But that thinking must never be grounds to stay in a bad relationship of any kind. We truly must learn to respect ourselves as we respect others. As well, we teach another to respect us as we do ourselves. Because we truly do reap what we sow in so many more ways than our puny human consciousness can conceive.
Now, from the perspective of the above hypothesis and the Soul Gestalt theory which I do trust, I believe it is clear that the old saying that “this is hell on Earth” may be truer than we might think. If one realized that accountability might be almost immediate, one just might take pause to think. And that thought should be, “would I want this done to me?” If I had a choice, would I want to be treated this way? And then stop and think, children have very little choice. Nor do abused animals. They are innocent victims, and they might be you reaping what you sow. This is a chilling scenario to me. But with the knowledge that all time is now, and that we are experiencing in many different scenarios all at the same time, it is completely feasible. In fact, it is completely the most likely scenario to my knowledge. Treat yourself well and with respect so that you might treat others the same way.
And yes, I said animals. Did not the man Jesus say that "whatsoever you do unto the least of these, you do it also unto me." For if we are all part of Soul Gestalts then Jesus is most surely a pinnacle amoungst them. And as Soul Gestalts, we are truly all one. I used to use this example with my students, "Do you think when Jesus said that he meant unless you want to? Do you think he meant treat everyone the way you want to be treated, unless they happend to be the beautiful PitBull dogs or Roosters that the Creator made for us to love? Do you think he meant it is okay to beat them and make them fight each other in horrible arenas for money?" This was a tough example for my students, because many of them came from families who were part and parcel of that very crime against the Creator, and they had little say in the matter. As well it was a source of financial revenue for the family. Making these societal changes is not easy, because it means breaking habits and traditions of a lifetime.
Even if my theory seems terribly far fetched to you, I suspect it will give you pause for thought at the very least. The next time a person wants to kick a dog, or slap a child, or push an elderly person out of the way, one would be wise to pause for thought.
“But by the Grace of God, go I.” In fact, “by the Grace of God, there I go!” might be closer to the truth of it. *LOL*
July 26, 2011 (not proof read)
And, so, we are this Multidimensional Personality focused into this reality. We have chosen this reality for Soul Growth and that alone. We agree to realize this plane as we see it, and we do so quite well; so much so that we have forgotten this vital bit of information. Wherever your personality is focused determines who you are and how you experience your world.
If I told you that you are so much more than you recall, would you think me foolish? If I told you that you are the personality you so greatly treasure and yet at the same time that you are experiencing as your brother or sister or spouse, would you think me mad? I suspect so, but so it is. It is very difficult to separate one Soul Group from another. As well it is very difficult to decide which of “you” are which. However, I assure you that when you leave this Earth Plane, there will be no confusion whatsoever. This is Earth School. We are here for Soul Growth and that only.
Have you ever awakened from a dream feeling like that reality was more “real” than this. And you have to struggle to pull yourself up from that reality with the complete awareness that it was a dream. But for days you walk around being caught off guard remembering that dream, and feeling like there is something about it that was important. No doubt that was so, wherever you are focused is your reality. If you are focused into a dream, then that is your reality.
Dreams are the closest that most of us will ever experience as an alternative reality. Let me assure you that the dreamscape is just as valuable to your Soul Knowledge and Growth as is your waking reality. Dreams are from the unconscious mind we are told. But I am saying here that dreams are as valid as your waking state. The subconscious mind uses symbols to express all things. That is why a good artist knows that they make the best art when they find themselves in that altered state of conscious where time flies and your creative abilities are simply blocking out most of your reality. I know this to be true myself. I’m an artist.
My mind works like an artist. And I pride myself in having taught a large number of my students how to find that place where time flies and there is joy in creating. That can translate to any other curriculum area. The more you can focus in that creative space the easier it is to learn. I taught a valuable lesson that I know other art teachers are not. And that is because of my spiritual background.
Now the same way an Artist focuses into their work to the exclusion of everything else is exactly the way that we focus into our reality in this dimensional reality I call Earth School. If you have ever ran until you lose track of time and your body works like a well oiled machine, then you are running in an altered state of consciousness. If you have ever danced the night away, felt exhilarated, and did not realize how tired you were or the time until after the evening was over; then you were in an altered state of reality. I have dance for hours without tiring, but if some one asked me to run about a track for 4 or more hours, I would say they are losing their minds. I would say that was literally impossible for me that would take much more stamina than I am capable. And yet, I could dance that long and not feel anything but exhilaration!
There you go, that’s it. Wherever you focus, that is your reality!
And that, my dears, is exactly how hypnosis works. I can guide you to an altered state of consciousness where you will learn who you are in terms you never expected. I can help you recall information you believe is forgotten, and I can help you change certain habits that you feel are holding you back… say, smoking. And, I can guide you through reincarnational "past" life times. And trust me, whether you believe you have had them or not, you will recall. And there will be no suggestion on my part to make this happen.
Most people are afraid of hypnosis, but I assure you no one can force you to be hypnotized. Nor will you do anything under hypnosis you do not want to you. You will recall everything that happens, though you may be surprised at what happens. Some people are so afraid of hypnosis because of the negative feedback they have received from all over the place, that they are afraid to give it a chance. They do not want to lose control.
The only person who will get up in front of an audience and make a fool of them selves is the ones who want to do so. A good hypnotist can spot them in a minute, and they are not always the ones raising their hands and shouting choose me! *LOL* Although that is a pretty good sign. I have worked with hypnosis one way or another for 10 years. It was a long time ago, but it is not something you forget. It’s like riding a bicycle.
I’m an easy meditation subject as well as a hypnosis subject. But that is because I can let go, I know that no matter what the hypnotist says, I am in control just as I am in the waking state. I know that I can come out of the session anytime I feel I am experiencing something negative or stressful. I had a good teacher. And she was trained by Dick Sutphen. I went to a mini training session with him, it was very enlightening.
Okay, my fingers are giving out on me, and the words are not flowing off them. That means it’s time to stop!
July 21, 2011 (proof read)
Now lest I have given the impression that I am against Christianity, let me say right now that there is no validity in that view. I have the highest regard for the teachings of Jesus. I separate Jesus from the Christ Consciousness. I believe that Jesus was a Prophet sent here to enlighten mankind as much as we could understand. I believe that he was/is a pinnacle of an entire conglomerate of Gestalt Souls. The Christ Consciousness is the knowledge he was here to impart to mankind. That we can do what he did and more if we only have the faith to do so. Christianity as we know it is the religion of Paul not of Jesus. Paul claimed to have received a spiritual communication from Jesus himself on the road to Dimascus many years after the death of Jesus. If you compare the words spoken by Jesus even in the adulterated versions of the bible, you will see that they are not consistent with the teachings of Paul. Once I looked from this perspective, my entire view of the Bible changed. Just as men who claim to impart the Word of the Bible, they are no more correct than Paul in misinterpreting the Words spoken by the man called Jesus.
In the time of Jesus the average person could neither read nor write. They were simple farmers and sheep herders for the most part. *LOL* These were souls just beginning their journey up the spiral of their Paths to the Source/Creator. Now that is not to say that there were not many highly evolved individuals in the world, of course, there was. But much of that knowledge was being forgotten at the time of Jesus and his disciples. Jesus said he was not come to change the Law of the Torah (Old Testament to Christians), but only to add to it. And the main themes of his changes were for the people to realize that they were on the right track loving and worshiping the one God; but more importantly, that they should love thy neighbor or one another as themselves. And most importantly to trust that there was life after death, and that God was love and did not judge.
Most of what we read as the Bible was written long after the so called crucifixion of Jesus. And much of those words were changed, rearranged, and mistranslated when Christianity was named the State religion of Rome. Some of the Books were written as long as a hundred years after the death of Jesus. A lot can be lost in those years and was. The Lost Books of the Bible have revealed a lot of differences from the Bible of today. Fortunately, for us, those books were not mutilated by so many translations and changing views over the centuries. As well, however, many of those Scrolls were destroyed due to the ignorance of those who found them. Many were used to start camp fires. So much for the intelligence of those in the area of the Ancient Bible times even unto today. Those individuals were little more worldly than at the time of Jesus. So you see from wince this holy book sprang. And the difficulty of trying to import the intellectual messages of the Word as spoken by Jesus.
Now I do not claim to be a student of the old or new Testament of the Bible. I have studied it enough for my taste, and I treasure a study Bible that I own that compares four different versions of the Bible translations including the one closest to the time of Jesus, which is a Greek translation. We have no Hebrew translations of the New Testament. We do have the Torah translations which are from the Hebrew, but most Christian religions do not accept their validity which makes no sense to me whatsoever as the Torah IS our old testament! Go figure. I am quite sure that there are those amongst the Jews who would be glad to expain the meanings of that Holy text, as it is taught as it always was. I believe most Christians would be appalled to be asked to consult a Rabbi to help translate the meanings of the Old Testament (Torah means The Law, btw). Closed minds are doomed to repeat the failures of their ancestors. Just as those who do not know the history of this country and the world we live in are doomed to repeat their mistakes.
Now I don’t claim to have all the answers for anyone. I have answers for myself about the Nature of Reality. I have shared some with my readers. If you are interested, I am quite sure I will continue to share these ideas. *LOL* It’s in my nature to take the stance of a teacher… or maybe a preacher. I don’t know. But, I do know that I have spent a life time studying spiritual matters. I sincerely believe that is one of the purposes of this life time, because throughout my life… through ups and downs and mental upheavals I have never lost my desire to understand the meaning of life, why we are here, and what our spiritual destiny is all about.
I’m a Gnostic. I read, I study, and I take what speaks to me. And I am not afraid to look anywhere for spiritual answers to the meaning of our lives. I never have been, and I think I can thank my parents for that. Always they said we should think for ourselves, never should we just take what someone else says or sees as truth until we see it for ourselves. Always we were to respect others the way we would want to be respected. Always keep an open mind and do not judge anyone by the clothes on their backs or the money in their pocket. We were always taught that we had a right to question anything or anyone, and that there was no one who was better than ourselves. We were taught to respect God and give thanks for all that we have been given.
My parents thought of themselves as Christians, though we never attended any church more than a hand full of times in my life. We did attend church with my Uncle and Aunt who were more like Grandparents due to their age difference to my parents. My mom did not hesitate to point out that in that little church the minister and his family were the best dressed, drove the finest car and lived in the finest house of all the parishioners. That contradiction was not lost on me as I was always looking at life from a more adult place than most children. As I grew older, I became adept at seeing the hypocrisy in the world around me.
What I figured out about my parents and their belief systems was to be directly changed by finding how very much Indian ancestry we had. The more I studied the American Indian spirituality and ways in general, I discovered that we had been spoon fed those things all of our lives. My ancestors for the most part passed for White, which they had to do if they wanted to own property and get by in the time they lived. People who pass for white do not leave an obvious trail, you have to hunt and peck for it. You have to be grateful that old ones did talk of these things in their final years, but cautiously. When you have spent a life time hiding your true identity, it’s very hard to stop.
I’m grateful that I have recovered my American Indian background, and find so much joy in the spirituality of my People that puts me right out there in Nature learning and growing continually. My grandmother used to say , "The blood will tell." I finally learned that the blood she spoke of was Indian Blood. And now… it does not matter all that much to me whether I am traditional or not. It does not matter to me that I am fairly well isolated in my practices. I know who I am and I know how to be in the world in a right way. And that is all that matters to me.
I spend a portion of my day and night communing with Nature. I talk to the Thunder Beings, I talk to the Trees, and all the plants around me. I speak to animals of all kinds, babies, and my Spirit Guides as well as my Spirit Animals. And best of all, most of those Spirits speak back to me. I know that my Spiritual belief system is compatible with the Ancient Druid Spiritual Teachings; I know it because I have seen it. I have a lot of Scots, Irish ancestry. So my Spirituality is part of my genetic memory, perhaps even DNA, if you ask me. This is what I was meant to be, a Spiritual Being above all things. And I do the best I can with that knowledge. It serves me well.
July 20, 2011 (not proof read)
Let us talk about death and dying. The direction in which you focus is your consciousness. So, that while you live here in this plane your focus or consciousness is here despite the fact that you can touch on other realities in many different ways. When you die and your Soul leaves your body, your consciousness is merely focused in a different direction… in this case from which you came. You can touch the Soul Level not only upon death, but as well in altered states of consciousness, sleep and dream levels, and periods of inspiration.
As I said before, there is constant bleed through so that we are never alone as it sometimes feels. If you can trust that there are those all around you who wish to aid in your growth here, then you can trust that the darkest night is only that… a night with the day to follow. And so it is with Death.
It behooves us for optimum health to find a way to get in touch with your Higher Self. That can be from time spent in Nature, an unconscious kind of meditation. It can be through deliberate meditation, which is merely quieting your mind so that you can “hear” the inspiration from the Higher Self. I don’t say prayer, because prayer is talking. Listening is the highest form of prayer. Give thanks, and then quiet your mind.
There are other ways of getting in touch with your Higher Self or Spirit Guides. Sweat Lodge has been a good avenue for me. Hypnosis is another. I worked with a very skilled hypnotist for about ten years. I learned a lot about myself and the meaning of life through that avenue. As well I continued to read and study, and to work with Indian Elders given the opportunity. I attended workshops and training sessions on all sorts of metaphysical directions as well as healing. All of these things have made me the spiritual being I am today.
At a certain point it becomes evident that one is reading and hearing what is already known; that is when it is time to give back in whatever way appears. I have taught Art to Middle School students and imparted through that teaching that of my spiritual beliefs I felt appropriate for children who were not my own, but sorely needed direction. I never told them to believe this or that; I merely talked to them about my culture and the way we believe. I answered their questions openly and honestly. I helped them to learn the meditation of making art. And I force fed them wonderful quotes that they learned to love and frequently would regurgitate when asked to write their own. That is the highest form of praise especially from a child.
And now I am moved to impart my thoughts on many different areas here. So there is no limit to the way we touch the lives of others. Even if it feels like nothing is being accomplished, it is, merely by the effort. I will miss teaching Art, but not enough to go back to work. I have given back in that way and it is time to rest. I have earned that rest, I assure you.
July 18, 2011 (new entry - proof read)
Well, I thought I was finished here for one day, but, no, not so. I feel moved to address the way spiritual teachings in the form of religions are received by everyone as well as just me. I believe that it is presented in the way that an individual/s can accept. The Higher Self passes the “Word” in the way it can be received by an individual or general group of individuals at a given time.
That information must pass through the mind/brain and belief systems of the individual/s who is receiving the inspiration. Say, Jesus is trying to impart knowledge to his disciples for example. He knows what He means. He is here to pass on a message of hope and inspiration, tenants to live by. But it does not matter how he speaks them, if his audience is not ready to understand the complete Word, then they will take what they can from it and possibly miss the greater meaning. It is the chance that a holy wo/man takes. (I wonder why there are so many more holy men than women since women make up the largest part of the religious communities. I have a pretty good idea. I leave it to your imagination.)
Jesus can say over and over again, “I am not God. You can do the things I do if you believe it. God is love and does not judge you. Go into the temple of your soul and give thanks and pray for guidance, trust that source is of God. Treat everyone the way you want to be treated.” But if people are not ready to hear those words, they will say, “Jesus is God, he said invoke his name and it will be done.”
Well, no, he did not. In the time of Jesus a man said “do it in my name…” which meant, do it in my way, not invoke my name. That was common knowledge of the day. He did not mean his name was like magic. A young married woman without children was a virgin of child not of man! How did we get those things so mixed up? The same way we got everything else mixed up because we were not ready to “hear” the Word in that time and place or because it was mistranslated which is the same thing.
I do believe that is why Christians have a Bible that speaks differently to the individual sects of Christianity, each believing that they have the Word correctly. They are not ready to perceive or even fear any other Word than the one they interpret or more often is interpreted for them by priests or ministers of the faith. Once you reach the point where their interpretation no longer speaks to your heart, then you must begin to seek for yourself.
That is where I was moving by the time I graduated from high school. I could sit in church and see the difference between the way the members were dressed and the pastor and his family. That is not so distinct now perhaps, but it was when I was that age. I noticed so called spiritual people saying one thing and then doing another. I thought, well, they cannot really believe the words they are mouthing if they do not live them in their lives. By the time I was about 20, I had run through most of the Christian religions including Catholicism. None of it gave me the answers I was seeking. So I began to branch out to other faiths. Basically they all seemed to say the same thing, if you got right down to the meat of it: hold no other God before me, treat others as you would be treated, and there is life after death.
Now that seemed to me to be the main drift that I could trust. The other stuff was icing on the cake, man made rules and ideas that seemed to me to be too petty for a True God to expect of its followers. There were some kernels of truth in all of them, but much was guilt to keep people in line and/or get the money needed to perpetuate the Church.
I decided very shortly after that I did not need anyone to tell me what the Holy Books meant. I was completely capable of reading them for myself and trusting my own interpretation. Where there was question, I sought answers. Before I was 25, I was quite well into my own spiritual direction through the study of spirituality as apposed to religion. I was all over the place taking this and that from what I learned and putting it past the test of “gotcha” confirmation. Eventually, I started bringing things together until it crystallized into the spiritual ideas I am expressing here.
Okay… that seemed important to share at this juncture. I’m off to rest up now… this takes it out of me.
July 18, 2011 (proof read)
Briefly I would like to revisit the ideas expressed below before I begin to speak of differing religious groups.
I want to stress that our universe and its different planes are not like wind in the air. Well, in one way it is, but more likely is a kind of grid with threads reaching this way and that like the way atoms fire in molecules… synopsis and like that. I am just trusting that wherever this is coming from has it right. I am neither a math person nor a science one. I am much more interested in the philosophy of existence than the science.
In any case, imagine tiny wires weaving in and out around this planet. Then see them as differing colors so that one Soul Construct is demonstrated by a different color as well as thick and thin, dark and light lines. Now see where some of those colors fade into the others like a rainbow or prism of light. That is the bleed through of growth. That is what it is like. We are all experiencing right here, right now though we are not aware of it in the least in most instances. It is as complicated as the activity of our brain or one cell in our body. And it all works… perfectly, for that matter, with or without our knowledge.
Now, while we are speaking of a God, Higher Power, Creator, or Supreme Being, let us look at my take on that. To be Creator is more than we can ever imagine. Giving that Energy a form such as Him/Her/It is impossible for we cannot imagine the unknowable. The Creator is made of Light and Love and we all exist within that Energy and that Energy manifests in all things including ourselves. There again the duality of our nature where we have one foot in this plane and another in the other side of this reality.
I like to look at it this way. Let’s think of my Brain as a God. As a God, my Brain controls all the activity of my body. When the Brain ceases to function we are Clinically Dead. Now when we are alive, the Brain is controlling all functions of the body; but it is not aware of the individual cells as such. We are a collection of cells into working units within the body. They are totally dependent on the Brain for Life.
That is a bit as I see God. The Creator is in and through all things. Without that Energy, there would be no life. Just as without the Sun this Planet could not survive.
If I am the God of my body, the I AM that controls all functions, then I Am well aware of a portion of my body… say, an arm. But I am not aware on a cellular level. I can’t say, “Cell 2,000,001, I see you are becoming weak with age. I fear you might be dying. I wish I could make a miracle, but you have free will. I cannot interfere with that miracle of life you were promised on this plane of existence. It is up to you to start a good diet and get plenty of exercise and proper rest.” No, I am relatively oblivious to cell 2,000,001. That cell has the same ability of all the others to exist and perform perfectly, but it must choose to perform in such a way as to thrive in my body.
That is how I see a Creator. Of course, that is greatly simplified. I could have just said, “I love my arm, I want to keep it, but I don’t know the cells in that arm on a personal level regardless of the love I hold for that member of my body.”
Now, I believe that The Creator is a purely loving energy. We are Soul Groups sent out in the beginning to learn and grow as Soul Entities. We were given a pattern of life and free will to work within that pattern. What we do with it is up to us.
As far as an individual experience, we can worship the Creator until we are blue in the face, but Him/Her/It will not give us anything on a personal level. There is never a good reason Not to Pray. But be aware to whom you are praying. You have Guides and Teachers. These are like the God Head or Pinnacle of your Soul Group or Entity. Those Guides and Teachers, for lack of better words, are the ones who guide your Soul experience. They do not ask to be worshiped. Give Thanks, ask for Guidance and Direction, but realize that you are the master of your fate. As you believe, so it shall be done.
In my Native American, I prefer American Indian or First Nations, Spirituality I give thanks. I pray to my Spirit Guides/Animals because I know that I can receive messages from the Higher Self as the Creator is in and through all things. I don’t worship the Wolf, but I do feel that I can receive Divine Inspiration in my life from that Source within the Wolf; because both He and I share that Divine Spark within us. And there are some Spirit Animals who come to me because they are Aspects of my Soul Entity sent to share their guidance in a way that I can understand and trust.
This is giving short shrift to a grand set of ideas, but it is about the best I can do for right now. What I am doing is trying to condense down into common language a spirituality that I have developed over nearly my whole life time. I first became interested in spirituality at about the age of 12. That was the beginning of my path of discovery. If I enlighten one person to look at their world in a broader fashion, I am happy with this little bit of rambling conversation. But if I do not, then it has been a chance for me to put down on paper, well, type… my belief system. Which is always of interest to me, we should always be our own best audience of our own learning process. If we take care of the self… the rest will follow suit.
July 17, 2011
Added more to the July 15th entry instead of clarifying the issues mentioned below. I'm trying to do the best that I can to explain the way Karma works in conjunction with the Soul Gestalt Theory. I hope it is clearer. Sometimes one means to clarify and ends stirring up a mess of the whole issue! LOL
July 16, 2011
I am going to address the idea of different religions and concepts of the Creator in my next entries. I have wanted to get into that but have not been able to do so yet. I want to kind of touch on that issue since I don't believe that I have.
Next time.... as well I will address the way to climb off the karmic wheel... I'm simply overwhelmed with issues to be addressed, but I'm tired. This is really rather mentally fatiguing.
July 15, 2011 (Proof read and I hope clarified some of the thought processes, July 16, 2011. More proof reading and clarifying... 8:37. Of a sudden it is as though I am inundated with issues for discussion here.
July 17, 2011: Added another paragraph and bits here and there to further clarify soul aspects or fragmentations in the present moment.)
Now, let us revisit the idea of karma as I see it. Karma is a real part of our lives, but not in the way that most assume. The common belief is that if you do not learn from an experience then you will have to re-experience it so that you do. Therefore, if I cut off a man’s leg and I am not a doctor with a healing purpose, then I will have to experience the karma of having my leg cut off in my next lifetime so that I learn not to cut legs off unless I have the medical permission of the owner of said legs. And with that doctrine, if I do not learn to stop cutting off legs without permission, then I will have to keep experiencing losing limbs through reincarnation until I do. That could take a lot of lifetimes and hundreds of years as we know it here if I am a slow learner. Well, I hope you get my point. That is a very elementary example; Karma is really much more complicated than that even in the most common definitions, but enough for here and now at this stage in my writing.
In my belief system all time is now; therefore, all our lives are being experienced right now on different vibrational planes or dimensions. I like to use the example of cogs on wheels like in the old time wind up clocks where these wheels and cogs turn and mesh with each other. From my perspective, that is like a soul group, a wheel with cogs all the way around. Each one of those cogs is an aspect or fragment of the whole of the Soul Entity.
Now is where it becomes a bit ticklish. Those wheels in actuality are more like spirals moving back and forth between each other, cogs meshing into the spirals of other soul groups not just flat wheels.
A soul group is like a pyramid, the pinnacle of which is the over soul… or the First Soul in a personality construct. As the spiral turns down and more cogs or aspects of the soul are created it becomes a hurricane like shape with a vortex of peace and calm… that is like the Over Soul or Higher Self or the original Soul Entity.
Using this analogy, one would say that if the point is at the top like a pyramid, then the pinnacle is the Entity Soul or the First Construct of the Individual Personality that is sending off aspects of itself to learn and grow as a result. A tornado or hurricane is in actuality pointed down to the Earth. If that tornado or hurricane is as it should be in nature pointing down, then the point of that vortex is the individual expressing in a certain reality. We are feeding back and forth information to the entire Soul Group no matter the focus of the spiral. We are either a pyramid feeding all information into the Highest Self or we are an inverted pyramid receiving information from the entire system.
This happens on all levels of Soul Activity so that we are eventually the wondrous “I AM that I AM.” I just had to get that in there, because to me, that says it all. But, it has taken me a long time to understand why.
Now, Karma in this construct is a little different from the linear idea of karma. We are not living lives from the past to the future. We are experiencing lives in different “times” or dimensions, alternative realities, all at once so that we can decide on a Soul Group level to experience this, that, or the other for the growth of our entire Soul Entity, which is just us. On all levels we are “us.” We have our own personality with different varying characteristics of the whole. Never do you lose yourself in these aspects experiencing reality, but eventually you will see that you have melded into one greater reality. It’s complicated. But it makes so much more sense to me than anything I have every learned about the growth of a Soul.
For example again, there are times in your life that you might look back and say, “I cannot believe that I did that, it's almost as though I were someone else.” Well, perhaps you did not do that. Perhaps another aspect of your Soul did that and you are reaping the growth benefit from it even though it is counter to what you feel your personality reaction would be here and now.
This also explains why two people, say siblings, who should have experienced the same thing in a given time remember completely differently the same incidents. It may very well be that a different aspect of the Soul experienced the event completely differently in an alternative reality. What I needed from the experience was entirely different from that of my sibling or even my friend. We are in constant "bleed through" mode. We are experiencing what we need so that our experiences may be different from that of another aspect of the Soul Entity or that of another Soul Group. The fragment aspects of a Soul are all experiencing reality in different Soul Constructs, but the Soul Entity is the One that is garnering the most growth so to speak as we learn our Lessons here in Earth School.
We are constantly projecting aspects of our personality or Soul into different or alternative realities, and this is for growth, not punishment. So that if I cut off a leg without permission I will probably reap the lesson in that very life time in one way or another through another aspect experiencing in that same reality or another. In this incarnation, I could be the one cutting off legs, and not learning from the experience. My Soul Group or Soul Entity for lack of a better word might very well develop another aspect of my soul into a life time without legs. I would surely learn from both those experiences and I would learn it "right now" even though I might not be conscious of the change in my Soul group or my own individual personality. In fact, my entire soul group would learn from those two aspects of the same lesson. My next Aspect might very well become a doctor to help those who are losing limbs in one way or another. So, there are three or, of course, more aspects of my individual personality developing and learning at the same time. And as there is more to learn, we will continually fragment into different aspects of the same Soul experiencing reality in a spiral fashion meshing with other soul groups. And if we are not garnering the growth, then we will most surely suffer the consequences... over and over again right now... until we get it, so to speak.
When we injure another person, we risk that very process; therefore, it would behoove one to listen to the conscience (if there is one, sadly there are those amongst us who do not have one) and be absolutely sure that one is not deliberately or knowingly injuring another person. The entire Soul Entity may be suffering the consequences of our crimes, and that is no small matter. We are all held accountable for our actions, and reincarnation in that regard is not a probability, it is a certainty whether you believe in the concept or not. And that my friends is why we have the saying that if you sin, you will experience the consequences ten fold… and that ten fold is right now. And of course, ten fold is an example. If you are having a hard time learning a lesson, it might be hundreds of experiences dealing with the same issue. And then it may very well be an aspect of yourself, your own Soul Entity, that you are harming.
I do believe that if one was aware of the danger or very real possibility of fragmenting your own aspect into the position of your victim/s as well as your villainous self, one might take pause before acting. Now, that would be a definite example of a hell, if you ask me... or even if you don't. As well that would be Karma in action in the here and now of a given personality construct. Thus, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is very clearly in action here. A rather blood curdling example: Hitler persecuting Jews that were fragments of his own soul group! Now that would be Hell in action. "Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord." I will address this issue in another entry.
I highlighted that above because of the importance in my humble opinion.
Wrap your mind around that concept, if you will. It rather gives me a jolt to the Solar Plexus. It does indeed give me pause for thought as I have just been imparted this information as I type. When I do this, I am indeed in touch with some higher aspect of myself for some of my realizations are just that; realizations in the moment. As well my examples given are always instantaneous. I am not so gifted that I believe these ideas pop into my head of a coincidence. I truly believe that coincidence is a very rare experience. I know I learn very quickly, and I can easily leap between ideas. I have always been that way. The test for me is that it feels "right".... I get that emotional jolt that I now recognize as "confirmation." I believe that we are all receiving inspiration all the time from our Soul Entity... or Higher Self. So that when an idea just pops into your head, it may be that it was just popped Into your head by a Higher Power! LOL
On the issue of coincidence, questions on tests are not coincidence; they are deliberate to test your knowledge. I have read that as the Christ Consciousness said we can do all that he did and more, if we but believe. I think that is direct reference to the Soul Gestalt Theory. We are all experiencing all the time right now so that we can all tap into that Universal Knowledge that is there for every Aspect of a Soul Personality; if we only trust ourselves and open our minds to new possibilities.
This once again takes me back to the issue of villianious behavior, because I believe it to be so important. If you need to learn not to do such things that you know are wrong or even evil, the Soul Entity then fragments your aspect into more aspects and gives them to you as say your children... or neighbors... or spouses. Therefore, you are punishing yourself right here in the present life time. Awareness of that fact would be known when your Aspect crosses over to the other side of this reality, and you will "feel" all the harm that you have done in the most real way. That is reincarnation as I see it and that is "hell" in action (some say hell on earth). We are ever growing and evolving, and we have no idea how much so that is. I like to think of it in this way; when it is all over with, there may very well be a lot fewer of us than we think. Not that it is ever "all" over with. Science has proven that our Universe has been around forever, not just billions of years. We have no concept that explains this, but I am trying to wrap my mind around (and that of interested readers) the concept of Reality as it is related to the Individual.
Okay, I hope that explanation is fairly clear. I will have to proof read another time, that took it out of me and I don’t really believe I have given the subject a fair shrift as it is.
Ah, *light bulb over the head* Think of the spirals of our DNA! It is in us, and yet it is spiraling and connecting all along the strands. I read somewhere that our DNA strands are increasing and that children born in the last 10 to 20 years have more strands of DNA than most of us born before that time. I will have to try to google something on that. Not now, I’m too tired.
Okay,Okay.... I'll proof read another time and see if I have made any sense here this time around.
July 14, 2011 (proof read)
Recall perhaps that earlier in my writings I spoke of the energy of thoughts. Everything has energy like that, say, of a light bulb. When we turn on a small light, it illuminates a small area, as we turn on more lights or larger ones; the area of illumination is larger. So it is with our thoughts.
Our thoughts are not empty energy stored in our heads; they are vibrations for lack of a better word. We create our own reality with these thoughts and assumptions we have about the world we live in. An assumption is a form of thought. So that if we all agree that the world is round and that we cannot fall off regardless of our thoughts then we have a bit of an idea of how it all works.
Collective thought or assumption “energy” is what makes our reality. Without the unconscious collective energy of our thoughts this world could not exist as we know it, nor could all the other alternative realities which we do populate in just as real a way as we do here. The whole of our existence reality is no more or less than a miracle of this plane of existence.
We are like Gods in our power to make our world the way it is. Unfortunately, we are often much less than Gods in the lack of precision we have exerted to make our world a more perfect place for all to live, love, and grow. That is in large part because of free will, it is also in larger part due to the fact that this is not “heaven.” Rather as I have said before, this is Earth School. We come here for one purpose and one purpose only and that is to learn and grow not only for our individual selves, but for all the web of our Soul Groups.
Everything we do, think or say has a ripple effect that flows through all of existence for better or worse. Therefore, it behooves us to control our thought patterns. Do not pour forth anger and resentment into the world. Do the best that you can to stay focused in the present moment and observe your world. What you will learn is that you do not have to ride a roller coaster of life; rather you can glide through your existence and experience everything in a much more complex way. You will begin to truly experience your life.
Your joys will be more joyful, and your sorrows may be more sorrowful; because you allow yourself to experience or accept these different emotions rather than battle against them. When you can remain calm in a storm, then you are in control of your life rather than your life controlling you. And all your existence will be the richer for your effort. And, on the plus side, you are helping all of humanity to raise the vibrational energy level of this world we inhabit.
Now let me explain a little about sorrow being more sorrowful. It will seem so, but having learned to live your life in the present moment, you will move through and past experiences without destroying yourself emotionally. You will allow your emotions to pass through you and not to own you. Once the emotion is experienced, then one can move on from it. But, however, if you do not accept the emotions then you are dragging them with you like a wagon attached to your waist and you become the horse pulling the load instead of allowing yourself to experience and then move beyond those very emotions. We control our emotions, they do not control us. Emotions pass through us, we are not our emotions.
The same is true of anger. Experience the anger and acknowledge that anger, but do not lash out. As you become an observer of your emotions, you can recognize them for what they are… momentary ripples in your pool of existence. You can either push them to their limits or your can experience the emotion long enough to recognize it for what it is. And that is a vibrational energy that is passing through you. If you grab onto it like a bull rider at the rodeo, I assure you it will ride you, not the other way around. *LOL* But, if you can slow down your emotion long enough to accept what you are feeling, then you can ride threw the storm. Not the other way around.
Okay, this comes to my mind in regard to the continuing interest in Casey Anthony. We can all ride the storm of emotions that are vibrating out from this young woman or we can slow down and say, “Yes, it is a terrible thing that she appears to be getting away with murder.” We can acknowledge the injustice of the situation. And then wisely, we should determine that we will change things so that this sort of thing becomes unacceptable to society. We as a collective intelligence must channel the negative energy and allow a positive one to grow out of the entire experience. And we can do that.
And that, my friends, may be the whole purpose of this experience.
As an aside, notice that this trial has been carried out when children are not at school. Accident? Probably not. Even young minds can grow from exposure to such heavy lessons as we have all learned through this experience.
Okay... I’ll proof read another time…
July 13, 2011 (proof read)
Well, still we are analyzing the Anthony case, now from a psychological perspective. I think that is good. There are so many people in this country… and world who have never thought about or known anything about these issues. This experience, negative as it is, is going to be a societal lesson. And for that, we can be grateful. Anything that educates the population in a good way is a step forward for all of us! For that, we need to be grateful.
Try to stay impartial over this situation, and watch the lessons that come out of this.
That’s it for today on that subject.
I’m working on my novel in my mind and about ready to put things on paper. Last time I worked on it right here on Weebly and was proud even to share it. I am always so trusting! LOL It is at times a flaw in my character. I would never “screw” someone by stealing their story ideas or anything else for that matter. But I have learned that there are those out there who think nothing of doing so. Stealing to me is something that is unthinkable. Well, anyhow, I keep seeing and hearing bits and pieces of my novel turning up in other Vampire series, one in particular. No need to name names, but I shall be more careful this time around. I hope I can one day get my novel published, because I would enjoy sharing it.
Good comes of all things. This little experience did force me to look beyond my first drafts and come up with a whole collection of other scenarios for my story line. Actually, these other ideas will really flesh the whole thing out. I am never at a loss for ideas of this sort! I assure all that story telling is as inherent in my nature as my art ability. I used to say that I can paint a picture with words just as easily as images. So, we shall see what we shall see! LOL
July 9, 2011 (proof read - July 12, 2011)
Today we continue to hear bits and pieces of the trial of Casey Anthony. They have played a bit of conversational exchange between Casey and her attorney, Jose Bias. Before when there was clear view of the mouths, a lip reader was used to relay their words. No one did this time, but I read them clearly myself. Bias said something to her, and she indicated someone behind him, Cheney Mason. She said that he told her that she could stay at his house for a while until she decided what she wanted to do. Bias must have asked again, because she repeated the statement. He then said, "I can’t believe what you are saying." She said, “Believe it, because that is what I’m going to do.” He looked stunned. And she looked exactly as she always did, devoid of emotion and down right cold. On one of the programs they played it over and over. I suspect Bias thought they would finally be together, in fact, I thought I saw that mouthed. Since I was not positive of that, I cannot say.
Now I believe it is becoming aware to the public that she has a criminal mind. Science has proven there is such a thing. Her brain does not work like that of a normal person. She is devoid of sympathy or empathy for anyone other than herself. I think Bias just got a big dose of that. And he may begin to realize what he has unleashed on the world.
She will not go back into society like a normal person. She is able to masquerade as such, but she cannot keep it up for long. One of her boyfriends said that she was moody (my translation). He said her emotion were close to the surface. Those emotions are all about her, however. Casey is a sociopath. And she got a slap on the wrist for her crime, and she will gloat over that if only to herself for awhile or as long as it serves her purpose. She got away with murder just like she got away with all her other crimes with very little to show for it. Now a jury of her peers has told her that she can pretend and lie her way out of anything she wants to do. God forbid she should have another child.
In a way it’s funny. Not “haha” funny, but weird funny. My hope is that this case will start such a fervor that people all over this country will begin to stand up for the rights of children and against those who abuse, molest, or kill them. If that happens, and there is a chance it will; then little Caylee’s life will make a difference in this world. The pebble that was cast into the greater consciousness of us all will ripple throughout.
Who knows, we may actually see the result of the Hundredth Monkey effect. And that would be absolutely marvelous for all of mankind! So, let us put away judgment and watch with excited anticipation for that reality to become one with all of us so that the day a person would even think of doing such a crime will make them shudder in their boots and pray for forgiveness… then we will have raised the consciousness of all… one step at a time... that's how it goes. And a big case like this... well, it can really make a difference.
I assure all that she will reoffend in one way or another. I hope Cheney Mason has a lock on all his checks.... LOL
July 7, 2011 (proof read)
Yesterday a jury of 12 voted Tot Mom, Casey Marie Anthony, not guilty. I watched all through the trial and tried to be as unbiased as I could be; I am after all the mother of three. It was such a surprise that I have not been able to comment until now.
As far as I am concerned, and this from a dispassionate point of view; that jury figuratively wrapped Caylee Marie Anthony back up in a 'Winnie the Pooh with Piglet on his back' blanket, doubled bagged her in black plastic, placed those remains in a canvas bag and threw that baby as far as they could Back into the Swamp where she was found! I am not surprised, but disappointed that 12 people could come to that conclusion after hearing all the evidence against Casey Anthony.
The young woman from the jury who came forward right away actually said that they started to go over the evidence, but there was just too much. Now they are all pretty much coming forward to say they are sorry. Too late...
But as I said in early commentary, I suspected this might be the outcome. And that if it was the outcome there would be something of worth to come out of this charade of justice. I hope that this will bring home the need to stop worrying so much about these types of criminals and start worrying about their child victims. We see this happen all too often. A child is brutally killed or molested, and a villain gets off with a slap on the wrist and a short term so that they can come back out into the world and do the same thing again. That child's picture should have been hung in that court where the jury had to look at it whenever they looked at Casey! We are putting the rights of criminals before the rights of victims. There is something wrong with this system.
Yesterday we were as a country hit in the face with the fact that a child’s life is worth very little to society as our courts of justice work today. The country is in shock, and growing angrier by the hour. This young woman, a sociopathic killer, decided that her child was in the way of her "beautiful life." Whether or not she killed her deliberately or accidentally, it was a crime!
I suspect she was drugging the child and putting her in the trunk of the car as a safe place. Either she decided she did not want her to wake up or she partied so hardy that she over sleep and came out to find her daughter dead in the heat of a Florida sun. I’m from Texas. I know how hot it can get in a car even in the early morning hours in the summer. Every year we have children who are left in cars and die from the kind of heat you cannot imagine in cooler climates. Frequently these parents or guardians get a slap on the wrist with some kind of admonition that they will suffer the rest of their lives from that oversight. I say, bull. No one who lives in this state does not know the danger of leaving a child or an animal alone in a closed up car in Texas for even a few minutes. Every time you get in the car and it is so hot that you can hardly touch the steering wheel or breath the air, you know the power of that kind of heat. You simply do not forget! The other scenario would be drowning either by intent or accident, and then trying to cover up the accident. Same thing.... in the trunk and then forgotten until the smell became over powering.
In any case, she did not report the death until after 31 days, and then she lied to police. I do feel that her parents were in collusion with her to hide the crime. All of her life she has been enabled to be the sociopath she is, and getting away with it. No other reason explains why her mother gave police Casey’s hair brush instead of Caylee’s. As well I find her cremation suspect. The remains were cremated so that if testing was developed that could determine from bones how she died there would be nothing to test.
This is the family of a retired police detective. I have a retired police detective in my family. We all know how crime detection works. Caylee’s little body was allowed to completely decompose some way or other so that it would be more difficult to find the cause of death. Why would parents, brother, want these things hidden? What would make parents or a mother want to put the blame on innocent people around the family? There is only one reason, there was foul play in the death of little Caylee Marie, and they were willing to throw anyone else under the bus to save Casey. It appears that we shall never know what really happened. One can surmise from the evidence, but there will never be a certainty.
And that is so sad for little Caylee. The only redemption for this horrendous crime is that it will make the public stand up and take notice and want to fight for the rights of these innocent little victims. I hope this will bring every one of these cases to the face of the public. One can only hope that it will be so…
Media, HLN, did a wonder full job covering this case in my opinion... actually it was more coverage than a person needed. But it was good that you could be about your business and then come in and catch up very quickly. I hope they will continue to do this service for other lost and abused children whenever possible. We need a voice for the little ones, the lost and tortured little ones of our society. I hope the media will not forget this lesson. Caylee is not the only victim that is forgotten in our justice system. Let this case be a lesson to the entire nation… then the lose of her little life will not be for naught
June 30, 2011 (not proof read)
So, Casey Anthony will not testify. I’m not sure whether that will hurt or help. She is a good liar, but she has lied too much.
I feel George did have the affair, but I don’t think he helped get rid of his granddaughter’s body. I think that both he and his wife cannot believe that Casey deliberately killed her child, but I believe they have come to grips that she was somehow responsible and did hide the child. I would never want to be in their shoes. Who would? However, I must say that it appears that they may all have been in collusion with Casey from the time they learned the truth which was long before we did to be sure. I don't think she would be a fraid to tell her family. She knew they would cover for her. I recall George saying in one of the phone conversations that Casey should do or say whatever it took. He said, "The family can take it." I was surprised that there was not more made of that statement. Well, there was a lot. I'm just pretty good at picking up on things like that. I probably would have made a good attorney, but I would have hated it for sure.
I just heard someone on Nancy Grace advance my theory that Casey had been practicing on the dogs with her chloroform concoction. Someone else said that perhaps she had been responsible for deaths of other animals for attention. I don’t get much of a feeling from that, but anything is possible with this young woman. I think she believes that she is home free.
I hope justice is served no matter the result.
Yesterday was my mother in law’s birthday. I miss her. She died June 28, 2005.
June 29, 2011 (proof read and added to... after proof reading this again, I instantly recalled other symptoms for the example case below. It was a very strange household so different from mine that I marked it well in my mind. I still have a visual image of that man who threatened his wife that he would take the kids away from her is she tried to leave. As it turned out here in Texas most children are always given to the mother until there is some obvious abuse. She did not want to make the incest part of the divorce. I told her I thought she was crazy, because he would have visitation rights. Finally she admitted she would have to do that. He did get visitation rights, but never alone with the children. I added some more below if you are interested. She was my special assignment, and the only person I really worked closely with. It was an eye opener. She hated her mother by the way. We never did anything to reconcile that situation.)
Well, words spoken cannot be called back, especially if they are typed on the internet and open to all who might want to view them. As I read my comments below, some were down right shocking. I do not recall some of my comments. But I guess they are true to the moment.
I have watched again today and still very neutral about the guilt or innocence of Casey. She does appear to be a sociopath to me, but I do not say that with condemnation. It is what it is. She cries when the topic is her, otherwise, she appears emotionless.
I still believe her actions are taken from those around her. A sociopath does that. In order to appear “normal” they learn to observe so called normal behavior and to immolate it. In fact, that is how all children learn how to be in the world by observing those closest to them. Casey’s home life was dysfunctional it does appear looking at the reactions of her family over these years. But there again, aren’t most families dysfunctional in some way? I think so. We are here to learn and grow. If we were here because we were perfect there would be no real reason to be here… unless of course, we were here for the growth of others.
Incest? When this first came to the news I said to myself that she behaves like some incest survivors I have had experience with. After awhile I wondered if that was the problem. Sociopaths are not always made, they just often are. And her actions were confusing. As time went on she just rather looked like a spoiled brat… so spoiled that she felt she should be able to get away with anything. After a time that did not seem to be enough to explain her behavior. She eventually just seemed to be a mother guilty of murder by the evidence.
When I watch now and listen to all of the family and analysis of the trial, I get no clear answer to the question of incest or not. Now, that to me might mean, no, but more likely means we will never know for sure one way or the other.
While I was at University I was part of women’s groups for depression. What I found amazing was how many of the women in the group were victims of incest usually from the father. It was a shocking revelation for me. After that I learned that one out of four women were the victims of incest or sexual molestation in their childhood. Whatever happened to make these women so depressed, the incest or molestation was pretty much the common theme. I listened with near horror at some of their tales.
A common thread was the secrecy. They were threatened by their abusers, blamed for what was happening, and their own lives or those of the family were threatened bodily. They were told that their mothers would never believe them and would hate them if they learned of the abuse. Frequently, that proved to be true. Some of the women reported trying to tell their mothers and being told she must be imagining something, and frequently even met with hostility from their mothers.
I recall one woman saying that she feared that her husband was molesting their daughter. I was stunned, and asked what she was going to do about it. She said she didn’t know. That made outspoken me very upset. I asked if she had talked to her daughter about it. No, she had not. I could hardly believe my ears. I told her to go home that very day and ask her daughter, assure her that she would see that she was safe, and ask. She was shocked at my reaction. As a depressed woman who had not suffered this sort of abuse, my reaction was totally different from hers. It took her several more sessions before she would take that step. In those weeks we learned of isolation, no one talking about feelings even in the household, a father who was explosive in his anger when things did not go his way, and very threatening to everyone in a quiet kind of way. She said he was brooding, and very manipulative. As well, she said that if she questioned his actions with the children, he became very upset with her. He made lots of excuses to be alone with their daughter even taking her to movies alone or out to dinner. Her son was hurt over the preferential treatment. But, he was a NASA engineer, and this woman did not want to give up her life style, and was afraid that she could not support herself and her children despite the fact that she had college degrees.
I was dumbfounded and told her so. I told her she had the responsibility to her children to protect them even from their own father. If a child cannot have the support of at least one parent, they are sadly deprived of the love that makes for normal adults. Finally, mostly from my haranguing, she did talk to her daughter and found her suspicions were true. With the help of a women’s organization to help such women, she was able to leave her husband and seek employment, start divorce proceedings, then find an apartment, and begin to raise her children in a healthy environment. We had weeks of working with her through that process, and we were very proud of her. I think she was an inspiration to all the other women who maybe could not open up in group and follow her example at least while I was still there.
My psychologist said that she felt I did not need the group for months before we decided so. She said she owed me an apology, but that I was the only woman in the group who would call these women out and even shame then into facing their responsibility to their children. And she said that at the same time, I was supportive of those who had suffered that abuse and aided in their growth through helping them to raise their self esteem and trust themselves to be good mothers. She said she felt I was such an asset to the group that she hated to lose me. She asked if I had ever thought of going into the field of clinical psychology. I said I was interested, but I didn’t care much for the 101 psych classes, though I took several including educational psychology. She said I was a natural, and that once I got through all that and into clinical psychology she thought I would really love it. I had invested way too much of my education into my great love Art and Painting in particular to change my major.
Something that I learned that was surprising was that often women will turn their head and ignore abuse as a way of saying it happened to them and they were okay. I was also surprised how many women blamed their mothers instead of the abuser for not helping them. Or since they were victims, they did not know what to do or have the courage to do what they knew they should. The same with the perpetrators, they often abuse for the same reason. Their parent or parents were abusive and they turned out alright, so by repeating that action one says my parent loved me and did this. I love my child so it is okay. Or… else they are just asses who don’t care. Or… they are sociopaths who cannot feel for anyone else but themselves.
I can’t judge Casey Anthony. I can only say that she fits some of these profiles. I will be interested to see how this case comes out. I am glad that so many people are able to see how this works. I hope it will help some other children from being abused or even killed.
One can only hope… I am glad that I can watch this without passion. Perhaps this is what it takes to be a therapist, the ability to observe and help where you can without becoming a victim of your own passionate empathy. I am a very passionate person by nature and can easily empathize with others. So this is a major growth issue for me, I guess. I think I’ve passed… *lol*
June 28th revisited.
After having worked around my house a bit inside and out I allowed myself to sit down and review the Anthony trial. I just allowed myself to open my mind to possibilities and trust the impressions that came into my mind as I listened to the day’s court proceedings, and this is the result.
Different people commented on the videos of Casey’s obvious affection for her child. The impression I got very clearly was that she was behaving as she did because it got her attention as the good Mom. Notice if you look closely she is ever aware of the camera on her. Even in the court room she is always conscious of clothes fitting to her body with lots of adjusting and preening for attention. She flirts with every man who comes near her there at her table no matter his age or appearance.
Well, any young mother gets lots of attention with her new baby anywhere she goes. And a young attractive mother with a lovely child gets even more. Casey ate that up. But when she was alone with the child, what was her demeanor? We can only guess. But a good guess would be that she was not nearly so attentive of her daughter when it was just the two of them.
It’s a lot of work taking care of a toddler; they’re all over the place. Even at three years they take constant attention and notice. And as the child grows older, generally the Mom gets less and less attention as the child gets more. I believe that would have been very difficult for Casey. As well, I can’t help but trust the impression that Caylee was reaching the age where she would be telling on her mother, if she was not already beginning to do so. And who would the doting grandmother believe? And as both daughter and granddaughter got older, Cindy may well have been pushing Casey to accept responsibility not only for her actions, but for her child. I don’t think that would have gone over well with Casey either, and we have seen testimony that confirms that.
Casey is a master manipulator. But I don’t think she is the only one. It looks like partially learned behavior from everyone around her. The entire family seems incapable of telling the truth. They are all manipulative and therefore, untrustworthy. I can understand a parent does anything to save their daughter, but Casey is the way she is because of her home training and the enabling that allowed it to grow into the monster we see before us. The fruit does not fall far from the tree, they say here in Texas.
Cindy covered for Casey by saying that she made the searches on the computer because her puppies were sleepy and she was trying to figure out a reason. I could not help but wonder if they were sleepy because Casey had been practicing her medicinal concoctions on them before giving them to Caylee.
In the final analysis, I believe Casey is a sociopath. I believe she cannot empathize with others and can only think of herself. Her daughter is a victim of her own narcissism and she feels no remorse whatsoever. I suspect she secretly despises her family for coming to her rescue once again. She well knows that she is still the favorite and that she is still capable of controlling all of them. I believe that gives her the bravado to go on the stand to testify for herself. She truly believes that she can fool anyone. She is really a piece of work as they say here in Texas.
It is sad that her daughter, Caylee, the real victim, seems to be getting lost in the shuffle of this trial for her mother’s life. I hope they can bring the attention back to what matters, and that is an almost three year old who had her life ended in a most despicable way by the very person who should have been her biggest protector and the one that loved her as no other could.
Poor Caylee… well, she is at peace. We shall see what comes of Casey’s peace of mind which seems undisturbed at present. This surely is an interesting case to follow. And especially if one can keep from wallowing in the emotional impact this sort of thing tends to engender.
I do not swear to any impression that I have imparted, simply that these were the ones that came through loud and clear as I watched HLN this evening. I will be curious to see if any on these impressions are confirmed in anyway.
June 28, 2011 (not proof read)
Well, now, I am mesmerized by the Casey Anthony case like a large part of the country, otherwise HLN would not be dedicating a whole channel all day to coverage of the story. I think I am looking at it in a totally different light than most people… not all, I’m almost positive that I am not the only one to believe as I do. LOL
In any case, I am watching this trial trying not to be judgmental, merely an observer taking note of the twists and turns of this case to learn who and what killed little Caylee Anthony. I raised two daughters, and I can remember their precious faces at her age with big brown eyes that melted your heart just as their brother had. And I can’t help but think how I would have felt to lose them to any kind of death. And since I have the experience of losing my oldest daughter, I have a feeling of how I would have felt and probably worse. To lose a teenage daughter is hard enough and leaves you filled with guilt because it is your child, your baby no matter the age, and you are responsible for taking care of them. An even younger child would be even worse, I suspect, because you would feel even more responsible for their safety. I have watched my darling granddaughter and grandson go through those baby phases just as beautiful with big brown eyes as well. I think it would surely have driven me to insanity to lose either of them in any way imaginable.
As I said, I am trying very hard not to judge the young mother this time around, but to look at the experience as a spectator. I am trying very hard not to allow my emotions to become part of the experience. I surprise myself at how well I can do that now when only a short time ago, back in 2008, I was over whelmed with emotion over the issue. I have always abhorred child or animal abuse and this was the worst kind, a mother appearing to revel in the disappearance of her baby so much so that she partied with apparent lack of regard for the lost child. I recall at one point being sure the baby was dead, and I listened to her family go through crushing agony trying to find her… eventually, dead or alive. I could not understand their actions; they were simply doing everything in their power to thwart the police from finding anything that might point to her death. Or anyway that was how it appeared to me.
Now I look at this case from the perspective of Soul Growth and Soul Groups. This case is making national headlines, everyone has an opinion. But here is as I see it. Yes, I suspect she was guilty of foul play. But in the bigger picture look at how the act of child abuse and death is being thrown in the face of the entire country. Everyone who watches the proceedings is being struck right in the face with the reality of what has happened, and more than that they are being shown how most people react to the circumstances of this nature. They see the abhorrence and lack of understanding these circumstances instill in most of the country. They are watching first hand the consequences of these actions right down to what it is like in prison for child killers or abusers from visiting professionals on all the programs.
There is surely a lesson being broadcasted to the world, not just this country as our news channels are broadcasted all over the world. Remember I said not to disregard any avenue of educating society from the largest audiences possible, in this case, News broadcasts or movies. If this is Earth School, then we are all collectively here to learn. Remember the Hundredth Monkey Theory? When enough of us learn any lesson, it will be shared by all. That is how this plane will raise itself into the next dimension… from Soul Growth. So do not disregard any avenue as one for learning. I don’t. Pay attention now to things that happen around us recalling that we make these choices on another plane as Soul Groups and Collective Gestalts that interrelate.
When I lost my husband to death and then my daughter, so many people were affected. I was told by my Spirit Guide that I would touch the lives of many people. Well, I have, not just from teaching, but in so many other ways. I believe that there was a plan to those deaths; I know I am a different person than I was… and I am not merely referring to alternative personalities in alternative realities.
It is my firm belief that we come into this Earth School with a rough outline and we fill in the blanks with our free will. But I also believe that we can change the plan in mid stream so to speak as we see that another direction would garner more Soul Growth than the one presently being traveled. I think that would explain why we can look back and say, “Why did I do that when this would have been so much better?” The reason being that we were not meant to do it that way, the reason being that there would be something better learned from another path.
Now, I am not saying that it would give approval to abuse or the circumstance of the Casey Anthony trial. Quite the contrary, the best lesson from this experience is that we are shown justice in action. If Ms. Anthony goes to prison for life or is given the death penalty as a consequence to her actions, then we have one sort of lesson. If she gets off with a slap on the wrist, then I hate to say what I see as the lesson. It may just be the up roar on many levels of once against a child abusers and/or killers not being held responsible for their crimes, which no doubt would make as big a statement, if not more than if she is not sentenced.
Which outcome would impact the largest number of individuals, I believe is the one that will be served. And I don’t think that we have any idea of which it might be, but we will find out shortly.
Okay, that’s it for today…
June 27, 2011
Ah, I have not been here for a time. I’ve been in the middle of an Arthritis flare up from heaving lifting. I’ve been cleaning out my classroom, and lifting way more than I am used to or should. I know my son would come help me on the weekend, but the school is closed. So, I have been struggling to do it myself. God forbid anyone would help at the school, but I don’t care. I prefer to take my time and decide how I want things packed and where they are placed in the car. In that way, I made my load as easy as possible for loading as well as unloading. Well, long story short, I hurt my back, and I’m still recovering. It’s getting better, but not quickly enough. I have one more very small load, and I’m dreading it because the car ride seems to do as much damage as the heaving lifting. Oh, well, this too shall pass.
In the mean time, I am getting used to the idea that I am retired now. I know that once all the paper work and clearing out is done, I will no doubt feel like a new person. I’m so grateful for the support of my kids from helping me read papers that make me too nervous for words, giving me their opinion on what I should do, and just being their to listen to their mom say, “OMG, my back hurts! LOL
As I make these adjustments, I am being shown constant confirmation for the things I am feeling spiritually. And that confirmation or sign is coming quickly in one form or another. I do believe that when this is all over, I will no doubt be a different person in many ways. Every large change in our lives has this effect whether we notice or not.
Think about it, the more you travel and see and experience new places the broader your horizons on all levels. That’s why it’s important to take periodic vacations. Take your family away from their normal surroundings and allow them the experience. Even small children that may not even remember will have results unseen perhaps, but there nonetheless.
Okay, my back is hurting from this little bit of sitting up… darn it! LOL Oh, well, it will get better, and soon once I can clear not only my classroom, but my mind of the old and open it to the new. Back pain is lack of support on some level. Perhaps right now I am feeling a lack of support due to the unknown future that I am embarking. On one level it feels good, but on another, it is the unknown for me. There has never been a time when I did not work in one way or another.
Perhaps the few years I spent with a man I thought I was in love with. Well, no doubt, I was at the time. But it was not the kind of love that I had for my late husband. He was the love of my life, and always will be. But this other was a good situation for a time. I think we both cared for each other deeply, but it was too soon after my husband died that I got involved with him. Then after my daughter died, it was like going into a tail spin. Nothing was enough for me. Nothing could fill the hole that was in my heart, but my own children.
The man I thought I loved so much was not much help at all. He began going out with one of his friends, and leaving me at home. That was intolerable for me. And I am not the kind of woman to let anything slip by me unnoticed if I was feeling it. I believe I was not the easiest person to be with after he began this activity. His drinking became worse as well. We had a couple of fights that were hard to reconcile from. And I suppose it was for the best that we parted though I went kicking and screaming! LOL
I don’t blame him, I know now that it simply was not meant to be. But I tell you, I worked hard there. He had two horses on his place, and I worked every day for their care. And I loved it. I can say easily that I loved those horses more than I loved him, because I miss them more than I ever missed him. They are long dead, I have heard. And I knew it before I heard it, because there are times when I feel them with me. They were such a comfort. I could run with them in the pasture and they seemed to love it! It became that they did everything but talk to me, we were that connected. I could call to them across the pasture and they would respond to whatever I called from being still if they were in trouble until I could get to them or to come around something I feared would hurt them. It was amazing now that I think of it. I have always wished that I could be around horses again. I do love them so, and that was my first experience with them.
Now as I recall, I used to seem to talk to the Doves our there, and the Barn Owls would fly down and almost touch my hair. I had some amazing experiences out there. I believe that I have been prepared for something all of my life, and perhaps now that I am retired it will be time to embark upon that new journey. We shall see.
June 22, 2011 (not proofread)
Below I made reference to the Avatar scene where everyone placed their hands on the one needing healing and then each on another as the circle grew; and all chanted together. When that scene took place and the camera swept out from the group so that you could see the larger web of individuals connected into one and the chanted began, it was as though I was swept away by the experience. It seemed to resonate deep within my conscious mind to something much older, a primordial impulse of recognition.
If you didn’t see Avatar, you should. Remember, the Creator or Over Soul can speak to you in any number of ways; don’t disregard a movie as not being one of them! How easy to set into motion a global shift of consciousness than to embed some deep… say, primordial message or impulse through a medium that will reach one of the largest audiences for change.
My sister and I commented while watching Avatar that we wished we could all do that … hypothetically, of course. I doubt seriously that if I stepped into the mall and said something of the order of, “Come on everyone, lets pretend we’re in the movie Avatar and lets all chant and touch the shoulders of two different people with each hand until we are all connected right here in the food court,” I’m quite sure I would be ignored by most, and looked at askance by others. LOL But, hey, what if just one person said, “okay,” and came to stand by me; would others follow? Hmmm… there’s a thought.
Okay, I digress. That sensation of recognition mentioned above hits home because it is so close to the truth on a Soul level. We are all interconnected. And absolutely everything we say or do influences all on some level. Now that is a staggering thought. It surely takes getting used to and then conscious of what we say and do.
I try to think loving thoughts towards everyone I know. If I find myself feeling a negative feeling for someone, I try to turn that around as soon as I can. That doesn’t mean that I have to love everyone, but I do have to love that spark of Divinity in each of us. And if I stop to think of that Divinity, then I must amend my negative thought and exchange it at the very least to “but for the Grace of God, go I.”
We have no idea how we would be reacting in the same given situation as that individual. We can hope that we might do better, I think that is the best we can do; because we simply cannot say with any degree of certainty one way or the other. Judging is the opposite of compassion. Compassion says I don’t feel sorry for you, but on some level I feel your pain and I hope you can rise above it. And then, if I cannot help you, at least I will not make your burden heavier by heaping on negative energy.
Yes, negative energy. I can just hear moans of “oh, no, here comes those hippie vibes.” LOL But I believe it to be true. If we want to help any situation, a tiny prayer and a conscious effort to not send out either pity or negative judgment is the best you can do.
I call it holding a person in prayerful thought. To me that means that I will send out a prayer and trust that the highest good of that individual is the result of that prayer. Then I will try not to dwell on the result, but to trust that it will be done. And if that individual or their situation comes to mind, I will reinforce that process. And I will continue to do so until the situation is either resolved or until it no longer comes into my consciousness. That to me means that the situation is taken from me. I have done all that I can for that individual.
Well, that is how it works for me. That’s enough for today…
June 18, 2011
Alrighty… You might be saying, “Alright, you babbling old know-it-all, tell us how we plan to come into this life and decide what will happen or not.” It is okay if you call me babbling old know-it-all, I’ve been called worse; but I would prefer you call me ‘you ole crone”… thank you very much! LOL
In any case, it is my belief that we come into this lifetime or soul experience with an outline of the things we want to learn. The rub is that soon after learning to navigate in our human bodies, we forget a lot of what we planned. We get refresher courses in our sleep, and can actually change directions as necessity demands. We are part of a unit. When one soul experience is changed it is going to impact all those connected to it from the closest to the farthest away. We are like the “hundredth monkey experiment,” when enough of us have learned a lesson; all will know the result of that lesson.
100th Monkey was a scientific experiment. Monkeys in a controlled environment were taught to wash their food before eating. A group of secluded monkeys on an island influenced by no one, living their lives as they do in nature, were the other group observed. When the number of monkeys reached a certain peak suddenly monkeys on that island began to wash their food. And on a broader basis, it was found that monkeys in all environments were washing their food. So, this experiment proved that when a certain number of beings learn something, then that knowledge is passed to its entire species. Curious, yes?
This is how the Soul Growth process works. When enough of us have learned a lesson, all the rest of us reap the benefits. So that if enough of us have love in our hearts for the Earth Mother, say, then all of a sudden all humanity will awaken to the desire to save and respect our planet. And so it is with all lessons learned to raise the consciousness of humanity.
Soul growth, Children, there it is… as I internalize these concepts, I can share with whoever wishes to read them or hear them. That is how it works. We learn and grow from each other and our experiences. Once you have heard, then it is only a matter of time until you receive confirmation of or experience similar things in your own life. Then you pass the word, perhaps not by speaking it, but maybe by your actions or the change in your responses to certain situations. So is life…
Okay, I’m done for this time.
June 17th continued
Okay, I was talking about the Soul Consciousness on a collective level below… or that was where I was headed, I think. The movie Avatar had a wonderful representation of how we are all connected with the Tree of Life as they placed their hands on one another when praying for their world. I found that very profound. It represented to me how we are all connected as human beings here in this dimension as well as on the other side of this reality and within our alternative realities and soul groups.
We are all dancing the dance of life. If you would think of each of those individuals as the Over Soul and the arms reaching out to the others as the reincarnational alternative realities of the Soul Self then it would be a perfect representation on all levels. Every nuance of that web of individuals moving in one rhythm and chanting the same song is us. All of us… on all levels. And not just us, but all of creation. The Godhead… the Creator is in and of all things; therefore, we are in and of all things.
We are not just individuals. We are all interconnected feeding into the collective consciousness and drawing from it at the same time. As soon as you give up the idea that we are alone screaming in our own skulls for answers and realize that we are part of everything… absolutely everything so that I can touch my trees in prayer and they can speak to me on some deep level and I can understand. So that when there is a hurricane I can pray over only one of them and ask them all to be strong, dig their roots in deeply, and hang tight. And, miraculously, they do. So, that when there is a rain storm and I and my students have to make our way home, I can ask that the rain holds off and it does.
That is the leap of faith that I have made. That is the leap of faith that we can each and all make if we but have faith in our own divinity. That does not mean that I think I am God or that I am in communication directly with God and He speaks to me in my back yard and tells me I need to build a University in the middle of a bunch of other Universities whether it is needed or not. No, that is delusional. There is a big difference. I can speak to the Creator, and I will get answers; but it may not be like a conversation… only a deep knowing… and that knowing is filled with love. For to me, God is Love. And that is it.
I am more in communication with that web that interconnects us. I am humble… I mean really humble and full of love when I do that. And I believe that I am beginning to make that connection.
Oh, by the way, I don’t seem to be much of a rain maker. I’ve been working on it for a few days now with little result, but I do see some rain on the horizon… or so my local weather men say. LOL I just have to chastise myself and say, “oh, ye, of little faith…” I know as soon as I believe it… feel it in my soul, it will happen.
Well, that gave me goose bumps. I think that we can ask, and it may be giving, but it may not be given in the time we expect it necessarily for there are some things that we have not much control over. And one of those things most surely is probably the Earth Changes our Mother Earth is going through. All we can do is hang tight, and hope we deserve mercy. And if not, then we must trust that it is the plan for us. And that we will receive the most soul growth from the experience.
And that is what it is all about, Soul Growth.
So, we need to reach out with love and compassion to our fellow wo/men. That does not mean that we have to get mired down into their drama, but we can try to understand it. Find a way to empathize with it. We cannot save another soul. We can point a way, but we can’t do it for them. And when we try to do it for them, we very often only enable or cripple them in their process of soul growth not to mention drag ourselves down into that grey matter they are experiencing.
I can say, I feel your pain, and I hope you will be able to deal with it. If I can help, I will. But if I cannot, then all I can do is bless you on your path and get back on my own. That is not being cold, that is being true to yourself and your boundaries as well as their own. That is reinforcing your knowledge that they can handle their own life’s situations, which reinforces their own knowledge that they can do just that.
I can use for example my children. I love them dearly, but I raised them to be self sufficient adults who can handle their own lives. I have to trust that. If I do not, then I do not love them enough to let them go, to let them be individuals separate from me… to trust that they will be okay without me. My life’s experience has taught me that. My goal is to never be a burden to my children. I have worked hard these last years of my education and then teaching to see that I will not be a burden on them. There have been times when I have hung on by my fingernails, but I did it. There have been times when I know I have caused them pain, but I try not to do that.
I just love them all… and that is enough. It is a pure pleasure to just love them and be in their lives as they need or want me to be and be satisfied with that.
Now, what was my point? LOL I guess what I have said is exactly what I needed to say. I’ll proof read and like that another time…
Good night, Children… is that not what we all are? Children? I feel so…
June 17, 2011
Now, some may call the Font… the Over Soul on a personal level, for lack of a better descriptive, the Akashic Record. This would be all the knowledge of the collective “All of Us.” We can all tap into that vast array of Soul Knowledge at any time that we allow ourselves to trust that we can. Jesus said we could do all and more than he, if we only but believe.
I refer to Christianity because I feel that though I am not a Christian; I do accept the teachings of Jesus as I know them to be, and I feel that most who would read here would be more likely to be Christian than otherwise. What I do not accept about Christianity is what the Churches have made of his teachings since the Nicene Council developed the beginnings of the State Religion of Rome or Christianity about 300 AD. There in I would remind those who know and inform those who do not that there was a vote to decide whether women were even human. We won by a very small margin. Perhaps had we not, we would be wearing the burka of the Muslim woman today as well. As well historians are well aware that many books were voted not to be included in The Book and as well what would be part of the books that were kept as part of The Book. These facts do indeed bother me. But still I take what I can of the words of Jesus as well as other Prophets for how they resonate within my own heart.
Now, again, we are all privy to the Knowledge of the Collective Soul experience. And still we as individuals do continue to learn and grow and to feed that information back to our Source continually. I do believe that the Grey Matter, again for lack of a better word, is this realm where in we are grounded into the Human Experience. At some time we must collectively begin to accept that we are more than just a struggling human being trying to make the best of our lives so as not to be judged harshly as an Angel to be hoisted into Heaven or a demon to be cast into hell. That knowledge I believe was what Jesus came here to share, the knowledge that we are not being judged for our so called sins, but rather we are being given the opportunity to overcome our perhaps more base Human Natures.
Whoa, this has taken it out of me. I believe that we “teach what we need to know ourselves;” and therefore I have to seek within to find the words to express it to others. That’s what I am doing. I am reaching deep within myself to find the words to express what I understand and do not need to articulate for myself. I am reaching to find words to describe how I feel we are supposed to be experiencing this reality that is way beyond any organized religion. I want more than just dogma, and I want to share that more with whoever may be interested.
I’ll pick up at another time…
June 10, 2011: Soul Entry
Alright. When does a Soul enter a body?
I would first ask you a question. If you were a fully actualized Spirit or Soul coming back into this Earth School to learn and grow, when would you enter the fleshy envelope of a baby? Think about that.
You are a Soul made in the beginning as the Creator spoke the Word that brought all of this Wonder we call the Universe into Being. You are the Font from which all your entire Soul Gestalt has drawn life. You have all the knowledge available to that vast Pyramid of Souls whether at the beginning or the end all coming from the same Source. As the Gestalt grows wider toward the base, the Soul is more fractured into more and more specific areas of Soul Growth so that each is still part of the whole and yet on some levels an individual. I think that is perhaps the best definition I have been able to voice on this theory I call mine, Gestalt Soul Growth, which includes alternative realities. We will get to that later on.
Alright? When would you enter a fleshy envelope we know as the body of a baby? Would you, pardon me if I lapse into a bit of my own humor here, jump in there at the moment of conception? Would you be waiting there as the two souls who are in the process of creating your fleshy envelope going about that business to consummation? Would you be waiting for just that moment to pounce into those minute cells and claim life? What about privacy? How would you feel as a parent knowing that your new baby is sitting there on the side of the bed cheering you on as you work to produce a new soul? Would that knowledge inhibit your ability to really enjoy the moment? I suspect it would.
Let’s look at some different scenarios. A young woman is being raped. This is not a horrible gang rape, just a date rape. But the woman is fighting as though for her life. Or perhaps she has been drugged so that she truly lays there an innocent victim. Now picture your self there sitting on the floor (too much floundering on the bed) cheering on the process. No shame, no guilt, all that really matters is the Creation of the fleshy envelope.
Now, I say fleshy envelope because I am taking it for granted that you do not believe that two human beings can create a Soul. We create a body for a Soul to inhabit. As I said earlier, we were Created in the beginning by an Energy Source we call God… or any other number of names that mean the same. We as Humans are arrogant for sure, but I would like to hope that we don’t at least collectively think that we are capable of creating Souls!
Do you like the idea that a Soul is sitting there at your side waiting to pounce into your process of fertilization. It does not sound very savory to me. I would expect a bit more privacy than that. Now I hear some of you saying, “oh, the soul is not aware of the sex act. It is pure and enters without the knowledge of the act that has created it. Yeah, well, that is all well and good if it is a romantic interlude between two people who love each other and would never dream of gettin’ down and dirty with sex! But that is how it happens a lot of the time. Let’s not even consider again the ideas of rape or incest as a form of conception.
So, now, I hope that you are with me? The Soul is not there to pounce into the conception process. It is much too wise, ancient, and sophisticated to be so inclined. Think how many times you have looked into a baby’s eyes and said it was like looking into the eyes of an adult or a wise soul that knows what you are even thinking or so it seems. When I walk by babies on the street or in stores, I always smile and look into their eyes. I think towards them as though I am greeting an old and wise soul. They almost always look surprised, and then they do not want to lose my gaze.
That Soul is there for one reason and one reason only as I have stated many times, Soul Growth. With this knowledge alone we should look at our children in a different way than many do. I see people “goo gooing” and caring on like they are talking to little idiots, when that Soul might be even more developed than they. That does not mean that you should not shower your babies with love and comfort, you most definitely should. Goo and baby talk all you want, if it so pleases you. But also remember that you are “goo gooing” to a fully developed Soul who is very quickly going to go through a developmental process that is very, very quickly going to rob him/her of the memory of who they are and why they are in the world. And that is as it should be… how it was planned.
Now, I can hear you saying, “Okay, that’s all well and good, but when does the Soul enter the body?” And again I ask you, when would you want to enter a bunch of cells that are growing a fleshy envelope to house your Soul? Would you want to hang around in the womb for all of those nine months of gestation? Would you prefer to wait until the mass of cells is recognizable as a baby? Would you choose to move in and out of that little bundle of blood and tissue as it matures to birth? Would you prefer to hover, for lack of a better word, around the surroundings the Soul is to be born into and the family to be joined? Or would you wait until the moment of birth, that precious moment when the newborn makes its first wail of life? Or would you move in and out of the fleshy body after birth until you get used to its bodily functions, etc? Think how a new born seems to sleep most of the time. Think how different this is with different babies even to the same couple.
I had the great pleasure of watching my granddaughter being born. It was and is the most humbling precious moment of my life. When I had my own children, I was not able to stand back and watch so to speak, of course. I took care of her when her brother was born. I was so immersed in the process of her birth that I had little time to focus on anything else. I saw my first child as soon as she was born. In fact, she was laid across my abdomen, and she was beautiful. The other two, I did not see until the next morning due to a different type of anesthesia. But when I watched my grandbaby being born, I was, granted, pretty hysterical for my daughter. I knew what birthing a first baby was about. And she went through a very similar process as I. But I will never forget in my whole life how that sweet baby girl looked slipping into life and then lying over the doctor’s arm while he cut the umbilical cord and closed it off. He was like a Susi Chef; it was like a well oiled machine. And then when she gasped her first breathe, and that little lump of plump baby girl became totally animated! Her body changed colors and she began to move all over as she burst into life quite literally. Before she was just a lump of flesh, almost scary to me that she was not breathing as she came into the world, even though I knew the umbilical cord was taking care of all her bodily needs. I would have sworn that baby was not there until that happened. Maybe I was wrong, but that was how it felt. We, as mothers, have felt the baby there as it begins to move in the womb. But there are definitely times when it is more there than others. So I say to you, maybe a Soul chooses to spend long periods of time in the womb with the mother. Maybe a Soul chooses to hover around parent/s and family. Maybe a Soul waits until the very last moment so as not to be quite so marred down into the grey matter of this dimension too quickly. And perhaps some Souls move in and out of the body even months after birth. I believe all those hypotheses are possible.
If the Creator has created Souls in the beginning, and given the energy to create an entire Gestalt of a Soul to learn and grow; and that Creator has given us free will to learn and grow as we can and will, then I believe that the Creator is not stuck in the science of conception and birth, but rather in the growth of Souls who have chosen to come into this reality. Not to belabor the point, but we are here for one reason and one only… the growth of our Souls and our Soul Gestalts.
Feels like I should tackle Soul life plans and how we make the choices that we do, and why some things must happen while others are totally up for grabs so to speak. But I’m done in. I’ll have to read this later and see exactly what I have said and proof read for errors. I always trust that as this stuff rolls off my tongue… ah… fingertips, it is coming from some kind of inspiration not merely my imagination.
June 5th proofread below and continued:
Okay, I spoke of abortion below and I can almost here the gnashing of teeth, rending of hair, and ashes heaped on heads. LOL Sorry, you got to have a sense of humor, otherwise we become to marred into the emotion of such topics.
There is nothing whatsoever wrong with being anti-abortion. I understand completely. There are so many couples out there who would give anything to have a baby of their own. And since they cannot, then would give anything to be able to adopt one of those babies aborted. That I understand completely as I know all with a shred of compassion in their hearts must. But here I must remind you of our entire purpose here in this Earth School, we are here for one thing and one thing only, Soul Growth, not only for ourselves but for our entire Soul Gestalt. This is no mean task; it is to be taken with all seriousness realizing the truth. (I will speak another time on what it is that I have learned about the Soul's Spirit coming into a fleshy body here.)
Every single thing that happens to us is for a reason; it is planned by us for us. Once we have decided that we are ready to lower our vibrational frequency to the level that we can inhabit a fleshy envelope, we have done it with the complete knowledge that we will not recall those decisions. Not only will we not recall those plans for our soul growth, we will not even recall that this is the purpose for which we are here.
What purpose would there be in going to “school” with all the answers for your tests, all the knowledge there was to learn? There would be no reason to study, there would be no reason to crack the covers of a book and learn information. If all you had to do was look at the notes you jotted down on your forearm and pass the test there would be no purpose whatsoever in schools. Now that is a pretty elementary analogy, but that is about the jest of it.
For some reason, we are always looking for complicated answers, complicated reasons for our existence. God forbid that some of us would accept evolution over creationism. There is a good explanation for both theories, and they are not incongruent. Reincarnation is a fact. It is a much broader fact when one considers that it is happening in alternative realities, both as we consider past and future. In actuality, all we have is “Now,” if one will take note. You can only live right here and now. The past is dead, so to speak, and the future is there to be lived another day… at least in this Earth Plane.
I say it again and again, we are only here for one reason and that one reason is the growth of our Soul and that of our Soul Gestalt. The more we learn to trust that fact and realize that all of reincarnation and life it self is for our Soul’s growth, then we would start living the way the Great Masters of our many religions have taught. We would live our lives as carefully as possible not to incur any more pain than need be, not only to our selves but to all those we come in contact.
We have no reason to hate our neighbor. We may hate his actions, but we do not need to hate him. We realize that his soul is experiencing what it needs to experience. And he could possibly do it a lot better without being bombarded by the negative emotions of hatred.
This is one I’m working on. My neighbor tried to kill my tree and he may have succeeded yet. I watch the rotting holes where he had my limbs cut off against the tree trunk on both sides of the tree without my permission every time I step out into my yard. I’m of fiery Indian and Celtic blood! I could have ripped his head off! In fact, I fight that emotion everytime I step out into my yard or drive into my drive way. So I’m not trying to proclaim myself perfect. I’m just like all the rest of us, human and thus not infallible.
But I’m working on it.
June 5, 2011
This is as I know it to be. I cannot tell you were I learned all these things. Some I have read and felt the rightness of it. Some I have learned through intuition and insight. So I will share what I believe that I know. You may agree or not, that is your prerogative.
Grey Matter. I spoke of grey matter below. Grey matter to me is the layer or dimension that most souls here inhabit. It is a layer of illusion that has taken over everything and the soul has no memory of who they are. It is the space where such individuals as violent anti-abortionists inhabit.
They cannot see beyond their own ability to accept the teachings that are all around them if they would but open their eyes. They are stuck in a belief system that cannot maintain close inspection, but they do not have the eyes to see or the ears to hear. They would take the words of the Master Jesus and twist them into something that allows them immunity to kill all who are connected with the clinics they so misunderstand.
For one thing, these clinics do much more to prevent abortions that use them as birth control. They give free information and contraception. The belief that a human being is a human being from conception is not the case.
This body you inhabit is only an envelope to hold your soul, and only for a short time. Recall the blink of an eye is like a thousand years to the Creator. That little nugget of truth is not the whole story. All time is now. So all of time is like a blink of an eye for the Creator and all those souls on the other side of this dimension. We only need linear time in this place I call Earth School. Here we come to test our soul knowledge, to raise ourselves to higher vibration levels. In fact, we are as whole are preparing to move up into another vibrational level, another dimension. Many of us will go, and many of us will not. Those who remain will not necessarily know what has happened. There will be no massive disappearance of souls/people from this plane. Some will simply die natural deaths or so it will appear to others. Some will be lost in horrific earth changes, and still others will chose to remain out their natural lives to help protect this earth from destruction by merely being in certain locations.
This is all a very grand drama with many, many twists and turns all for the growth of the greater soul groups, which eventually will end in the eye on the top of the pyramid, the Creator. Then what? Will we begin again? That I do not know. There is plenty I do not know and strive to learn and internalize. It is so much easier to just stay sunk into the grey matter and exist day to day in the world as we know it. It is much more difficult to strive to quiet the mind and allow the Spirit to rise to its potential.
Okay, I digress. Abortion? If the Creator is the only source of Souls and we inhabit fleshy envelopes in order to learn and grow our Soul as well as our Soul groups, then what can an abortion destroy? Only the envelope… only the fleshy envelope that will house a Soul for a very short span of time can be destroyed by man. Only God creates Souls and only God can destroy them, though He does not. Rather he allows us the complete freedom to learn and grow from every single experience we can contrive for our Soul growth. God is love. We are the creators who conceive of ungodly things like a fiery hell and damnation forever. God does not conceive these things. Sadly, we make our own hell and forget that we can rise above anything if we only learn who we are and how and why we are in the world.
When this knowledge is imparted to a soul… the conscious mind of a Soul in this fleshy form, then life is viewed entirely differently. It will not solve all your problems, but it will make existence what it was meant to be, a learning process for soul growth with your complete knowledge and; therefore, cooperation.
Am I there yet? I surely am striving to be.
June 5, 2011
This is as I know it to be. I cannot tell you were I learned all these things. Some I have read and felt the rightness of it. Some I have learned through intuition, insight, and visions. So I will share what I believe that I know. You may agree or not, that is your prerogative.
Grey Matter. I spoke of grey matter below. Grey matter to me is the layer or dimension that most souls here inhabit. It is a layer of illusion that has taken over everything and the soul has no memory of who they are. It is the space where such individuals as violent anti-abortionists inhabit for an example.
They cannot see beyond their own ability to accept the teachings that are all around them if they would but open their eyes. They are stuck in a belief system that cannot maintain close inspection, but they do not have the eyes to see or the ears to hear. They would take the words of the Master Jesus and twist them into something that allows them immunity to kill all who are connected with the clinics they so misunderstand and hate.
For one thing, these clinics do much more to prevent abortions than allow themselves used as birth control device. They give free information and contraception as well as counseling for planned parenting. The belief that a human being is a human being from conception is not the case.
This body you inhabit is only an envelope to hold your soul, and only for a short time. Recall the blink of an eye is like a thousand years to the Creator. That little nugget of truth is not the whole story. All time is now. So all of time is like a blink of an eye for the Creator and all those souls on the other side of this dimension. We only need linear time in this place I call Earth School. Here we come to test our soul knowledge, to raise ourselves to higher vibration levels. In fact, we as a whole are preparing to move up into another vibrational level, another dimension. Many of us will go, and many of us will not. Those who remain will not necessarily know what has happened. There will be no massive disappearance of souls/people from this plane. Some will simply die natural deaths or so it will appear to others. Some will be lost in horrific earth changes, and still others will chose to remain out their natural lives to help protect this earth from complete destruction by merely being in certain locations.
This is all a very grand drama with many, many twists and turns all for the growth of the greater soul groups, which eventually will end in the eye on the top of the pyramid, the Creator. Then what? Will we begin again? That I do not know. There is plenty I do not know and strive to learn and internalize. It is so much easier to just stay sunk into the grey matter and exist day to day in the world as we know it. It is much more difficult to strive to quiet the mind and allow the Spirit to rise to its potential.
Okay, I digress. Abortion? If the Creator is the only source of Souls and we inhabit fleshy envelopes in order to learn and grow our Soul as well as our Soul groups, then what can an abortion destroy? Only the envelope… only the fleshy envelope that will house a Soul for a very short span of time can be destroyed by man. Only God creates Souls and only God can destroy them, though He does not. Rather he allows us the complete freedom to learn and grow from every single experience we can contrive for our Soul growth. God is love. We are the creators who conceive of ungodly things like a fiery hell and damnation forever. God does not conceive these things. Sadly, we make our own hell and forget that we can rise above anything if we only learn who we are and how and why we are in the world.
When this knowledge is imparted to a soul… the conscious mind of a Soul in this fleshy form, then life is viewed entirely differently. It will not solve all your problems, but it will make existence what it was meant to be, a learning process for soul growth with your complete knowledge and; therefore, cooperation.
Am I there yet? I surely am striving to be.
June 4, 2011
I am officially at the end of my work history as an art teacher. I have some fine stories under my belt if I care to share them, perhaps someday. Right now, I am focused on my classroom of which I have not finished cleaning out. I went in on Wed., but I was unable to finish. My car was full. So I do believe that I can get all I want of it on Mon. I will be glad to have that finished. A stressful day takes 2 or 3 to recover. I hope this is not going to be a part of my life now. I have some few health issues. We shall see. In any case, I can retire now… probably have to go on disability. We shall see. It’s very frustrating, but a more sedentary life still would be conducive to making art, which I have not done seriously since going to work.
I can’t help but recall being told in one of my hypnosis sessions that I did not need to teach or nurse. I was told that I had done that in many lives before. It was my choice; I had no karma attached to the callings. It appears that most service jobs are spiritual work or karma. It is strange, but I have always read and heard that we are supposed to be of service. My therapist said that there are many ways of being of service without taking on such stressful avenues. I somehow felt compelled, however. I think I have given back far and enough.
I know that I have made a difference in the lives of many of my students. For that, I am grateful.
June 2, 2011
Horrible Tornadoes in Mass. Note feeling of quaking in my solar plexus the day before this happening...
Another point, I never took trainings to do psychic or healing work... though I have a few times as well as worked with regression hypnosis... never for money, however.
May 30, 2011: Musings on last entries. (not proof read)
Below I spoke of grids over the entire planet. My first experience of these grids was, of course, reading about them. It was an interesting theory, but not one that I really wrapped my mind around. After all, I am much more interested in the spiritual, mystical aspects of our existence than I am the truly metaphysical. Metaphysical implies Theosophy, philosophy of the scientific and mathematical aspects of reality. As stated before, nuts and bolts don’t really mean that much to me. I take it in, and I know it influences my belief systems, but it is not the know-all of my way. For some people it is, and that is just great. If all our minds worked the same way, it would indeed be a very boring world in which to live and grow.
I digress. The first time I experienced this grid of which I was speaking was at a training seminar with my hypnotherapist. She took me to all sorts of trainings from different healing techniques to physic development. This one was on psychic development as well as healing techniques. It was a weekend thing. We were taught many different ways of channeling psychic information. One was to read from pictures. Another was from a person sitting right in front of you. Now the right in front of you was a challenge. I’d never attempted that. To look someone in the eyes and tell them about themselves and their future was very odd to me. I was torn between feeling like I could not possibly do that to just being bombarded by information that I was not sure was coming out of my head or true psychic insight. For that reason, I spent most of the reading looking down at our hands, eyes closed, or only glancing up now and then to smile and reassure the client/subject... they were volunteers, not paying subjects.
Oh, before I go any farther, let me assure you that this was not just a group of housewives or weirdoes. No, we had me (going through major depression after my husband’s death), nurses, a woman from a publishing house (wish I had kept up with her), chiropractors, secretaries, etc. I was surprised at the number of medical people there as well at all the trainings I went to for healing in particular. Some where sent by their hospitals who were learning that there is something to healing techniques that does aide in the healing process. I learned to be very adept at those techniques.
Okay, I’m off track again, but I just wanted to stress the fact that it was serious people at these trainings, not palm or taro readers and the like. Although I must confess I learned a bit of that as well. I am like a sponge for certain things! LOL Hands on spiritual stuff is my strength.
Any case, I was reading for a man who owned a chain of dry cleaning stores across the state. He was there with his wife and a young secretary. I told him that there was a romantic relationship with the girl. And that he seemed to like, blushing red. Then I told him that she did not return his romantic emotions, rather she saw him as a kind of father figure. That he obviously did not like. I told him that he was contemplating leaving his wife and that he needed to take his time on that decision. Then as I sat there with my hands on top of his, I saw a light grid all around the earth. At first it was like neon lights between large cities, but then it grew more and more complex. I told him what I was seeing and that I believed he would work within this grid complex in some way sometime in the future. He immediately said that he was planning to go national with his dry cleaning business. I tried to tell him that this was much larger than that, like a global grid of light. He could only think about the business aspect. I knew that this grid was important and that in the future it would take a lot of strong energy individuals to keep it together. I didn’t bother telling him that.
I did several of these types of readings with much success, but that guy still stuck in my mind. I compared notes with the reader for the publishing house, and she said she saw the same thing though she did not tell him that the girl was only infatuated with his money and his father figure status. She said that is what upset him with my reading; I went too far into territory he did not want to look at. And I’m quite sure that my information was somewhat like… well, a ball buster for lack of better words. Poor man… nah, I have no sympathy for him. He deserved what he was getting ready to receive from his little fling. I could have told him that if he did not watch his ppps and qqqs, his wife was going to take HIM to the cleaners, and little girlfriend would not nearly be so interested if he was pretty well flat broke. Actually, I wish I had now that I think on it.
I’m especially good at reading pictures, but I mostly recall the cleaners man. And that was because of the vivid image of the light grid system. It felt like an energy pulsing and the more people the more complex the system as well the more energy, of course. This grid in someway was keeping us all together in a constant state of confusion and stress. It was like grey matter pulling us down. And yet, it was a lighted grid. I just felt that it was very important that we know and understand what we were doing to our planet, because this grid was beginning to weaken in areas. And that was the sight of disasters; hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, volcanoes. But once the disaster was over, the negative energy that was there was cleansed away, and the grid became stronger there though not so complex. Not only was the earth wiped cleaned of pollution, but the people as well. Those Souls who crossed over to the other side of this reality; they where like lights rising into the atmosphere and then disappearing. The whole of our planet pulsed with this grid. But the larger the population centers, the more Earth Changes were taking place or preparing to do so.
That was a long time ago. I had not thought about that in many, many years. Yesterday in a conversation with my sister, she spoke about this grid; and it brought all these memories flooding back into my mind. I had seen this aspect of that grid, and I am sure there is a reason for that. I also saw a great destruction over our country. And I saw lack of communication with people. I saw people traveling by horse, mule, and carts. And they were moving along the largest of these lines. I know there is a nautical term for them. I’m not sure if that is what will happen here or in an alternative reality. But once triggered, the memory just keeps bringing other things into my mind.
I think the work with the grid lines right now is to keep our earth from going completely off kilter. Already our axis has begun to shift. Scientists know this. Some of us are here to be stabilizing forces in certain areas for this light grid work. I think that was what I was seeing for the man I read for as for my self and most of my family. There is a whole network of us, some not even realizing why they are here.
Okay, for example. For the last couple of weeks I just kept feeling like something was wrong. I would stop and say, what is it. Is it me or something or one near me? And things would get calm. I was and am wrestling with an infection in my body that is finally healing. So I have been lying on my couch or bed in pain for days on end as it came on. I did not recognize the symptoms until it was pretty serious. My focus was centered on myself. Illness will do that to a person. After learning about the disasters, I could relate those feelings. It's like a quaking in my stomach and a feeling of forboding. This morning I woke up feeling great, but right now; I'm having those inklings. I will watch and see if they rebound or rebate. Or if I am just up too long.
Okay, I’m tired… gotta stop for a time. I’m taking antibiotics; they make me feel like crap. They're a necessary evil sometimes, however.
May 30, 2011: Current state of my affairs.
Today I begin to feel like I have a new lease on life. Everyday that I am away from the negativity of my job I feel better. I did not realize how very stressful that was all the time. I mean, I knew it was a stressful situation, but I now begin to see that it was like living with psychic attack. I am very empathic. I know many different ways to fight that kind of stress, but I guess I was so immersed into teaching that I was not aware of the constant bombardment of negative emotions.
My students live in stressful environments, so they cannot help but project stress almost all the time. I hope that I taught enough of them to find respite in their artwork to make a difference. It always helps when a student confides their fear of failing the TAKS. When they tell you that they will drop out if they don’t pass, I tell them to never give up on you! My last day at work, this happened. The little girl found that she did pass. She was ecstatic, and stood in front of my desk with tears of joy saying that she was never going to give up on her! Those little things are what make a teacher’s job worthwhile.
I gave 12 ½ years to that school and the students there. That was enough. I think that is what my situation is telling me. And if I feel this much better this soon, then I can only imagine what it will be like in the weeks and months ahead. Already I feel like I don’t need to barricade myself in my house and be alone. That was what it felt like in the beginning. I just wanted to hibernate and let my body and mind heal. I can see and feel that process in motion now. I still have a lot to do to get this process finished, but I can see a light at the end of the tunnel now. It’s a long ways off, but it is finally there! LOL
Note: I dressed Dad’s grave yesterday. White Chrysanthemums and red Gladiolas; white for remembrance and red for love. It was very windy. I hope I planted them tightly enough. I think he liked it. *merry grinning* Daddy always loved flowers.
May 28, 2011: In which I expound on my soul group spirituality, energy grids, earth changes, and even a bit on Christianity. I'll have to proof read later on.... this tires me out... I have some health issues that are not helping...
Okay, one of the most important things that I am getting from these realizations is that there is no need for being right or wrong. Those energies pull down not only your soul group but all those connected to you. For each one of who is capable of freeing themselves from such thoughts and feelings uplifts all those around us. It also allows one to more easily stay focused in the present moment, and that is how we are meant to live our lives. We must experience the present moment and we cannot do so without giving it our complete “attention.”
“Attention,” that is a good concept to bring up now. Our intent is one of the things that matters in our actions. If our intent is positive, it will most surely bring about positive outcomes. If it is negative, we are again influencing the soul growth of many more than our own reality or realities for we are all interconnected. We are a part of a force field, a network, if you will, of energies all over our world. Those who are stuck in old intents are truly influencing all of us. But those who are able to rise above those intents or patterns are helping to uplift all of us.
I do not watch the news very often. I am most likely to watch political humor commentary on national issues. Therefore, things do get by me. But I believe that whatever I need to know will get through to me, if I have the need to know. Example; most of the tornadoes happened without my attention being focused on them. Once the worse was over, I was directed to them by questions from others.
As soon as I “knew” I began to watch. Only some of the time did I watch the TV commentaries; because I try not to allow myself to be grounded in negative energies. But immediately, I began to focus attention to that area through the Thunder Beings. I acknowledged that I realized the need for Earth Changes to cleanse the Earth Mother. Then I began to visualize the area impacted or possibly impacted and surrounded that area with my attention while asking that the impact be less than it had been. I asked that there be mercy there.
As I once again watched the news for the impact of the storms, I found that mostly those in those areas were focusing into cleaning up their lives there. And I almost felt the pain, then the realization that they were okay, and that ‘they’ were more important than anything else. So, so that an entire group of souls received knowledge that material things were not as important as the people they loved. Communities were pulling together, the nation as a whole was focused on these people and their needs both positive and negative energy. I know that many more than just I or those that I know were focused on prayerful energy to the area. I know that the ‘grid’ was now strengthening in that region.
First it was weakened with the destruction; then as people came together, the grid was being reenergized. And by reenergized, imagine a grid of lights all over the country, and then all over the world. That grid is weakened with disaster and the lights dim, then as people pull together and rebuild, it is strengthened once more. It is actually stronger than it was. So, Earth Changes are not only for the Earth itself; but for those who reside there. Some die, it is their time to “go,” for lack of a better word. Their going also influences the grid as people once again realize that life is more important than ‘things.’ Every single one of us is impacted by the crossing of a soul into the reality we call death. There we are met my members of our Soul Groups, and we are nourished and healed with unconditional love.
That holds true for every soul, not just “good’ ones. If a soul has crossed over for a negative reason, say they were put to death. They have murdered viciously, and we say; they deserve to die for their sins. It is my belief that there is no reason not to have the death penalty for these individuals. They impact the lives of all who have touched theirs whichever way they die. They are again brought into the soul group for healing and nourishing. But this Soul group has suffered at the hands of this enmity of the group. That individual and the entire group experienced a soul growth situation, yet one of their own has brought them down so to speak. That one, with the agreement of the entire soul group; will choose to “try again” to learn from the experience and make different choices. They will return to a different vibrational level; perhaps different aspects in alternative realities. Perhaps they already have. Perhaps most of the soul group rises above the negative energies. And still there is soul growth. Now in the context that all time is now, these experiences are going on right now; and we are all being informed through the growth of every single one of us.
I have said for a very long time that I feel there are many paths to the source, and I think in the end of these soul experiences we will find that there are a lot fewer of us than we expect. In fact, ultimately there will only be “the One;” that great I AM that I AM. Big pyramid there and lots of soul growth. And we have done this over and over again since the beginning of time as we know it here.
I believe that many are ready to make a transition to another vibrational level, a different dimension. That to me does not mean that we will be disconnected from those who are behind. No, I believe we will be informing their realities in order to help them ascend. Those who were the most violent or refused to grow from their experiences will in one or another remain in the lower vibrational level or dimension and begin again their slow ascent to the Source.
I do believe that in every time period there are Ascended Masters like Jesus, or Buddha, or any other number of their like. I believe that they try to inform a time period. But their teaching must pass through the minds and belief systems of the ones they are trying to teach. Confusion does abound as different individuals try to translate what they have received. Confusion over the meaning, confusion over the proof, confusion over who is ready and who is not, so that confusion muddies our power grid over this planet, our Earth Mother, who reflects where we are on a conscious spiritual level.
We are energy. We project energy with our thoughts and belief systems. If there is more negativity than positive energy then we do negative things as a society. We pollute our Earth Mother, we lord it over what we consider lesser societies, and we send negative energy to all areas of the planet. Our negative energy impacts the Earth in negative ways, and our society as a whole suffers as we stay mired in lower energy thought patterns. The weather reflects not only our state of being as a planet, but our state of being as people all over the world. The more negative energy, the more destruction we havoc, we pollute the planet for example because we believe that we have “dominion” over the Earth. We as a collective energy forget that we are the “caretakers” of the Earth. Eventually our collective energy will cause weather extremes, because we are all made of energy including our Earth Mother. We all collectively know that we are destroying our world and our thought processes hasten that activity.
I’m quite sure that most have heard or read that “we make our own reality.” That is absolutely correct. We make it on a soul level, we make it on a collective consciousness level, and we do it over and over again until we get it right.
And recall, a thousand years is like the blink of the eye to our Creator; therefore, us. We are experiencing our soul growth right now in this moment for that is all we have; right now. So it behooves us to let go of negative energy. We need to stop thinking in terms of needing to be right or wrong. We need to trust that there is a purpose to all things.
That does not mean to me that we should ignore nightmarish behavior of some. No, we have a right as a society and a duty to say that this individual deserves to lose his life either by life in prison with no chance of appeal or, yes, death. There is no excuse for a society as a whole to say that a child rapist for example has a right to a second chance when we know that he will offend again. There is no right to allow other children to suffer from his evil. He will get his second chance, and that will be as he and his soul group will. I suspect that one would much rather that a merciful God might judge, but that is not the case. Who judges us most harshly? Is it loving parents or our own selves especially in the full knowledge of what we have done and its effect on others? I don't want to elaborate here now.
The nuts and bolts I do not care about, what I do care about is that we understand that we are here for a purpose. We are here for a purpose as an individual, a soul group, and a collective society. We will all judge ourselves for our actions. And that judgment will come through our selves, our soul group, the great “We or Us.” In its simplest form, we are responsible as a society to protect the weak and care take of the planet. As we do these things, we do them not only to others; but unto ourselves for ultimately we are all One.
We must as a collective society open our minds trust in our moment to moment existence. For me if I am living right here now, I don’t have time to hate my fellow man or plot vengeance. I am thoroughly living my life as a whole human being who knows who s/he is and how to be in the world in a right way; this from my American Indian/Native American ancestry.
I believe that is one of the things that all our Indigenous Peoples bring back to us as a society right now. They, some, do remember who they are and how to be in the world in a right way. It is time that we all recall. In fact, it is imperative.
These things I have garnered through the study of spiritual matters of a life time. Perhaps it is time to give back as my hypnosis therapist warned me. For me, this quote says it all; “If we believe... there is no need for proof. If we do not... there is no proof possible.” Here recently I have heard this quote, and it is as it is supposed to be as validation that I am on the right path… a spiral to the Source, one that we are all traveling.
Good luck, children…
Not me talking down to anyone… I guess just a habit with my students. But suddenly it seems apropos. We are all children on this journey, even a crone like my self. By the time we have reached the age of 50 and more, we should have garnered some life experiences that are worth sharing. But in the greater picture of the cosmos, we are like grains of sand on the beach of life or a tiny pebble dropped into the sea. We are children moving up our spiral ladder of life. Sometimes there are times when a spiral loop drops down much farther than perhaps it should, but we learn from those experiences and we continue our ascent. That’s what it’s all about. Not the destination, but the journey… at least at this juncture in our soul growth. And it does not matter how many times we have to do it over, only that we pick ourselves back up as a Soul Gestalt and do it again until we get it right.
As I tell my students; education is process, not success or failure. You have to have it. So if you miss something along the way, you just take a break and get it. Then you move on. That is how it is with soul growth. We must have it. It is our entire objective in this Earth School, and it behooves us to use our time wisely.
It's a grand stage on which we are writing the play as we go along; and we are choosing the parts and those with which we will share them. Rehearse and rehearse, then act it out. And then if it is not what we wanted, we can always do it again. We are given that free will from a loving Creative Energy who does not judge or punish. We make those decisions. And the sooner we can get over thinking in terms of who is right and who is wrong in our personal lives and decisions, the farther along we are in our journey back to the Source. That’s my take on it.
I have reached that point where I can listen to another's opinion on the topic, then express my own, and feel no sense of that person being right or wrong... nor my self. It's just sharing. Perhaps we can give one another an inspiration or strike a cord of recall. That is what it is all about.
May you walk in beauty in a good way…
May 27, 2011
I forgot to say that without my children, there would have been nothing to hold me here. Be well assured that they are and were my salvation... and I guess they always will be. When that first grandchild was born, I felt I had a new lease on life. She was my darling. And then her brother came, and he is my darling as well. My Children and my grandchildren, they are what keeps me here in the world. Because I no longer believe that Suicide is a horrible sin. It is just another way of dying. Where it is cancer, an auto accident, or suicide; we will go back to our soul group and carry on with, of course, soul growth.
May 25th continued (not proof read) Where in I expound on my Alternative Reality, Gestalt theory of Soul Groups and the connection to Jesus, the Christ.
Alright and okay, now yesterday I went back to work after being off for about 5 days or 6 counting the weekend. I felt good. I thought, “I can do this.” I was excited about being able to work again. By the time half the day was over I could see that it was false bravado. I cannot work, not in a school environment or any other kind of stress filled environment. I can work well as I am here. I can work well creating artwork. Those things I can do, and I believe it is because those endeavors are what is required of me now so that I will receive optimal soul growth.
Science has proven that all time is now or at least that we experience time differently in outer space than we do here; and that the life we think we are living is only an illusion we have all agreed to accept. Broken down, it is like light reflected off particles. And we are the Soul Embodiment of the Creator choosing to inhabit this life time for, again, soul growth of not any one of us as an individual enmities but a whole conglomerate of Souls that are all us. It is a difficult concept to wrap a mind around. I’m me, and yet, I am myriad us? And though I have my own individual expression; that expression is going on over and over again in alternative realities and alternative time periods as we know it here on Earth School. And all of those realities are informing all of those realities. We are not developing as individuals. Oh, no indeed, we are not!
It is so much more than “my soul” as in my one soul that is me; it has to be in order for there to be so much growth in a place that is a kind of figment of our collective imagination. Why would many aspects of the same soul be any more difficult to wrap a mind around than one? For me it is elementary now that I have internalized the belief system.
I’m not scientifically interested in how all this works. Newton, Einstein, et al. are of no interest to me at all. The only thing that matters is that I understand our existence; or at least as much as I am supposed to understand at this time. Just like I don’t care how the car or the computer really works, I don’t care about the nuts and bolts of our existence. I have always been this minded. In college I was told that I was a philosopher and should do my Master’s work in that area. Even in Art Education, I was told that I should become an educational philosopher. I was told there were not enough of them with my insights.
Okay, I chose Art Education to teach and pay back for my education. Perhaps I should have listened to those Department Heads; I wonder where I would be now. No doubt, one of my alternative aspects is experiencing that direction right now. Who knows, perhaps this aspect that I call me did the same as the cogs of the soul wheels move in and out of all my alternative realities. What I do know is that not one of my Soul Group will move up to the next level of Gestalt reality, until “we all” make that leap of imagination and growth that allows for that to happen.
So it behooves me/us to work very diligently on Soul Growth; because in reality that is all that really matters. And love, working in this way is working with love; pure and simple love for all things, for those around us, for all of nature, and most of all for ourselves. We cannot truly love ourselves or anyone or any thing until we learn to love ourselves and who we really are in this world I like to call Earth School.
And many of us are ready to make that leap into another dimension of reality. That is what I believe. The Christians say “the rapture” where some will be lifted up and others will remain. I think they have no idea of just how close their belief system is to the real experience. And that if they do not start making that leap of faith, they may be the ones left behind.
Will it be a punishment? No, I don’t think so. It will merely be more Soul growth, not just for them; but for their entire Gestalt Soul Group.
I have always respected the teachings of Jesus, not the God Man, but the Human Man whom I believe came to this existence truly knowing who he was. He tried to tell the rest, but they were not capable of understanding his teachings. So they took what they were able to understand; and they built a religion around it. And they said Jesus died on the cross for their sins, they said they need not worry about sin. All they had to do was invoke the name of Jesus and they will be washed clean of their sins. I simply don’t think it works that way. Jesus was an Ascended Master. He knew that he was in God and God was in him; and he tried to preach that gospel, but it was so misunderstood. And it is still misunderstood.
And there are still those who are counting on saying, in Jesus’ Name; and they will be saved. Yes, all sins will be forgiven, but they will find themselves at the bottom of their own spiritual evolutionary soul growth. And they will have to slowly begin again that Soul Spiral back to the Source until they can open their minds enough to accept “the Truth.” And “the Truth shall set you free.” John, 8:32
I’m sure there are glaring errors, but proof reading will have to wait for another time. I did proof read the 23rd somewhat. Just minor changes… I'm tired now.
May 25, 2011: In which I look at my life and the twists and turns of my spiritual growth.
Having read what I wrote below, I altered the last paragraphs with new realization. I don’t think that I put it well. But here goes, I will try again.
This may sound very rudimentary, but I don’t think it is. I think we have all said at one time or another that “everything that happens is for a reason.” But I don’t think that we have put enough emphasis on that expression. I am looking at the idea that my depression has and is a Spiritual Path for me. If it were not for my spiritual growth I would not have met the Elder online who saved my life and taught me to learn who I am and how to be in the world in a right way. So my depression was a direct link to his teachings, which he was glad to share with any who wanted to listen and learn. I believe that he was like a guru, but one in the true sense that asked nothing of me at all any way shape or form. I recall saying one time that I should write a book. He said that I could do whatever I wanted to do with the knowledge. He said he had “given” it to me so what I chose to do with it was up to me. A beautiful man indeed; I was blessed to know and learn from a true master I believe.
I digress. If my Soul Group/Gestalt theory is correct, then it is very, very true that we are only here for soul growth. That means that every single thing that we do as well as every thing that happens to us is for that growth. And not only is it for our own personal growth, but for the entire soul gestalt growth. That is the only reason for our existence.
I was growing in my spiritual path, but I had hit a bump in the road, and that was the bump of just getting by working and raising my family. I took on work that was so stressful that I felt like I was drowning in it. Through all of this, however, I had my husbands love and support. Then like a rug pulled out from under me, he died. I was forced back into my spiritual pursuits in order to keep my sanity. Damn, I nearly lost.
Again, I was stalled in a relationship that was keeping me from more serious soul growth. My daughter died, and I dealt with it poorly. Soul growth, of course. Everything that happened to me was followed by a period of deep depression and complete despair so that my spirituality was my salvation. Each step of the way I was being dragged forward into a more perfect understanding of who I am and how to be in the world.
I look back at some of those experiences and I say I wish I had done it differently. But, if I had done it differently, would I be here where I am now? I doubt it. For me my spiral of soul growth has been deep dips that then spiral up into a period of deep awareness. Now I am manifesting some of that very knowledge garnered over a life time. And this time, I understand completely that every thing is for a reason… not a hypothetical, “I will understand some day” kind of understanding. I’m actually seeing the pattern and realizing how it is working in my life.
I’ve lost my job. I would like to continue working, but my depression is going to make that impossible. I may be able to work at my art work for a profit or maybe not. But I will have plenty of time to heal myself AND continue my spiritual awakening. And if I am right, and I know I am, then my entire Soul Group is learning from this experience. And I believe that we are dipping in and out of alternative realities and even time periods to “get what we need.” We look back at our past and sometimes we say, “It’s almost like that was someone else.” Well, it was. But that someone else was me… or we.
Our soul growth is the most important thing we are here for. And Soul Growth is our Spirituality; that grain of an idea that it’s the journey back to the Source, the Great Mystery, that is most important. And that is all it is. Absolutely everything that happens to us is for that growth. And we are making these decisions as a soul group... all of us together. And then those "us" who are other soul groups connected for a better word to our soul group.
So that every single thing that happens to us is well planned for that purpose and that purpose only; this is for the growth of the entire soul group or gestalt. And like any gestalt it goes on and on until the pinnacle is the Great I AM that I Am. The Creator is inside all of us and we are inside the Creator. And our sole purpose is to wind our way back to that Great Source. But first, we have to start where we are, our own little soul group. And all that we learn is going back into that Source, but all that we are is being honed to perfect like a diamond in the rough is smoothed into crystalline clarity. We will shine when we finish.
What I am doing now is manifesting my knowledge. And it is coming in waves and I am awash with the pure glory of it. How often I have said, this is for a reason, but I have said it in the sense that I will understand upon my death and crossing over to the other side. Now I know that I Am understanding right where I am at this very moment. And like the young woman from Atlantis, I will lift myself above the mêlée when it is my time to go. Whether there is Earth Changes or not, I will experience death in an entirely different way than I would have before.
I believe that I will be a "Woman Taken by the Wind" in one way or another. I’m excited. I am ready to see what comes around the next spiral of my journey. I believe that there is a lot better chance that I will spiral Up this time, and stay in that ascendance this time without regression back into the abyss of denial or lack of understanding. I will truly trust the plan that I have laid out for myself… the plan that my entire Soul Group has laid out for us... me.
Well, this should make all the difference.
May 23, 2011 - In which I address my spiritual growth exploring further my spiritual beliefs in regard to metaphysics, Native American Spirituality, depression in regard to said growth. As usual I am addressing my own belief systems and not preaching to anyone or trying to when converts in any way, shape, or form.
Reading what I wrote in my very first paragraph of May 20th, I am reminded of my theory of the way premonition is revealed to me. In the first days and weeks when I was so depressed after my husband’s death, I thought about what I knew about walk-ins. I had known about them as I spoke earlier, but I did not know then exactly the implication or where they would come from. Again, I think these thoughts were premonitions, NOT desires. When a thought comes through ones mind, it is quite normal I believe to think that it IS your thought per se. At that time it did not even cross my mind that I was seeing something that was coming, not something I desired.
This is how I learned of walk-ins. I read about them in Dick Sutphen material. Sutphen is one of the foremost names in metaphysics, and past life regression, and hypnosis in general. He is one of the most popular teachers of the uses of hypnosis in therapy as well as metaphysical ideas. I devoured his material at one time in my life. Everything rang bells, but I had found the Seth books before Sutphen; so I already had another theory germinating in my subconscious mind.
I digress, the way walk ins were explained to me was that they were other souls who for whatever reason were willing to come into a soul envelope or body if that soul in possession of such had a strong desire to leave. I was told that might possibly happen with my husband, this before my daughter’s death. So it was a rather vague idea with little support as to why or how one became part of this transfer. I had the idea of soul groups in my mind from the Seth material, but that knowledge was really in the hypothetical belief system phase. I knew of it and respected the logic of it, but had not quite internalized it. So this was really a fresh idea with little to back it up or give me validation as to it’s validity as I simply could not rationalize the process on a personal level at that juncture in my life.
I think at the time I needed more background and at that time in my life, the reinforcement or validation of having others endorse and agree with my belief system was very important. Of course, that indicates that it was not an internalized belief system, but rather a hypothetical one. At some point in my history of spiritual study I lost that desire for validation from others and began to look for it in other places.
At that point in time I was back at university studying Studio Art and Art History. I was very much into Native American belief systems. Contrary to popular belief, they are not all the same; however, they do have some common ground just as do the different Christian belief systems. Most importantly that there is only one God not animals worshiped as Gods as I have had so many who are ignorant of the belief system accuse.
The way I see it is just as Catholics might pray to a Saint or to Mary to intercede for their prayers to God, American Indian spirituality sees the Creator in all things in Nature. Therefore, all those things can go between as well as speak to an individual in a spiritual way due to the fact that Creator is in all things and all things are within the Creator. That made and makes total sense to me. And seemed to bring together all my other belief systems.
Now while I was spending years on my education and them some 12 ½ in teaching, I was fighting depression, deep depression, most of the time. Spirituality was still working in my life, however. In the last years of my education I was suicidal again, seriously so. I was at that time exposed to the belief system of a Canadian Indian (First Nations) Elder of Algonquian origin. I spent years in a Spiritual chat space learning from him. There were only a few of us who listened to his teachings seriously. Others came and went as they had little understanding of how the Indian mind works. I did, I am part… actually almost half or more; it’s hard to say. In any case, I recognized the part of teachings from Indian Elders where there is very little “walk this way, talk this way” instruction. There is commentary from the Elder and respectful questions that may or may not be answered or when one expects the answers. It is a different way of expressing and of mind workings.
I studied with this Elder for about 3 years very seriously. In that time, I was taught how to be in the world in a right way just as a child among The People might be taught. I was taught how to make my mind work in the Ways of my People. It has taken many, many years to really internalize and allow myself to trust my mind in this new way of working. Now that Way is mine. When I first began having very serious reinforcement was after spending time in a mental hospital. That’s right, a mental hospital. I was there two weeks so that medication could be adjusted to allow me to be in the world with some sanity and without constantly fighting the desire to take my life out of pure emotional despair.
After that, things began to happen one after the other. Spiritual incidents came in waves. I was back where I had been before my husband died when tree leaves would press themselves into my body, and I could speak to things and animals in nature and they would listen. That growth was interrupted somewhat, but never completely, after his death and that of my daughter. It appears to me that I had to break down my mental blocks to anything that was not “acceptable” spiritual experiences, anything that was slowing down my spiritual growth.
Oh, my goodness. Does that mean that I had to go through the deaths of my loved ones in order that my spiritual growth could continue the way it was supposed to? Did I reach some sort of block that would keep me from progressing? Did I need the experience with the Canadian Elder to bring about my acceptance and continuation of my growth? Of course, I did. But was my deep depression so that I would listen to him and trust him to teach me how to be in the world in a right way. These are many, many questions that have just come into my mind. I knew and know that there had to be a reason for their deaths, but I would not have thought to this purpose. I know that my depression was for a reason, but I would not have said purely so that I would take other stepping stones other than the ones I would have chosen.
I do believe that we will find that soul growth is the only reason we are here. Soul growth is the only reason we are connected to others of our Soul Group or Gestalt.
I need to stop. I’m growing tired. As usual, these ramblings seem to drain me of energy. I’ll proof read another time.
May 20, 2011: Okay, this is not proofread, but I am tired and must stop for now. It is rough for sure. So read if you will, but realize it may change quite a bit on the next reading.
Having just read my May 19th entry, I am aware that I did very little to explain the walk in theory as I espoused it for myself. I was so very depressed after my husband died that I did pray that if there was a walk in from my soul group that would come into my life and take good care of my children, I would allow it. I was suicidal. I mean seriously so.
Things changed. I can recall those changes. After my daughter died two years later it was as though I made a complete personality shift for a while in my life. Now I don’t know for sure, was it the walk-in theory, or was it a mental breakdown of sorts. I know that I did things and reacted in ways that were completely abnormal to me. So here is what I have come upon and had confirmation as to its validity.
When one is dealing with a soul group, it is not as though you are completely separate. You are not. You are connected, I believe even more so than say identical twins. There is constant bleed through between the alternative realities and the different aspects of your soul group. So that a walk-in would not be someone divorced from my personality. In fact, we would have very similar personalities though we would be dealing with different experiences and periods in history. It may be that we trade places at some points in our experience for what? Soul growth, of course, that would be the only reason.
Recently I discovered in looking back at my past and my premonitions that I have repeatedly read them wrong. Many times when I am seeing a future situation in my mind, I believe that it is expressing my inner thoughts. I have learned that I need to see these incidents differently. If say, for example, I find myself thinking of retirement even though I feel I could not begin to do so and those thoughts keep recurring, then I need to take a closer look. What I have finally figured out is that I am not thinking of retirement, I am actually anticipating it as a physic premonition.
Right now I am retiring not by choice, but for health issues. My job has ended due to budget constraints as I have mentioned earlier. However, I have found several school districts not as far away as the one I have been working that are looking for Visual Art teachers. But, I cannot work due to health issues. Therefore, I am being forced into retirement.
Now this turn around recognition of what is happening has only been weeks in the making. But I can look back at my past and see this pattern repeated over and over again! When my husband died, it just kept popping into my head that I would outlive him. I would mentally chastise myself that I was being arrogant or morose. Before my daughter’s auto accident, I had the thought to tell her to take my suburban instead of her VW. I brushed that off as foolish. She was going to pick up her boyfriend from work. She always drove her car, and was not used to driving my big old vehicle. Now I can see in retrospect that I was being given the premonition that my husband was going to die before, and in fact, way before me. And I was being given the premonition that my daughter might be in an auto accident.
God knows I wish I knew this then; perhaps I could have changed it. And yet I know that if it was meant to be changed, I would have been able to do so. I went through a lot of guilt that I was not able to stop those two incidents. It took me a very long time to internalize the fact that I don’t have the power over life and death. Things happen because they are supposed to happen and it is all for the soul growth of all involved. I believe that completely now and I have for a very long time. It’s only been in the last years that I have internalized this belief system completely.
And now, the Soul Group/Gestalt/Alternative Reality/Different Soul Aspect theory as I espouse it is what it is. The only reason we are here is for soul growth and that soul growth is for our entire gestalt or soul group. And the next step is to what… nirvana? Perhaps. We will continue our soul growth until we are rough diamonds that are smoothed and clear like pearls that start out as a piece of gravel and build until they are round and smooth and beautiful. We will be pure and then our soul will move up the gestalt to another level.
I believe that is what is happening now. We are all growing into another level of reality. All of us. And wherever you are in your level of spiritual growth is perfect! We are all right here right now doing exactly what we are supposed to be doing at this given time and place. It’s how we accept what comes into our life that makes all the different.
Be still and let God. If we can just remember to do that, everything will be just fine.
May 19, 2011
There are people in my life who are studying Theosophy, the study of spiritual and science together. I think that is wonderful. For me, however… “been there, done that” many years ago and mostly by myself now that I think of it. It seems that most of my important soul growth here has been accomplished pretty much on my own. There have been times that I wanted to share and welcomed the opportunity to do so. There have been times when I had teachers as well. My hypnotherapist is a good example. After my husband and daughter died, I doubt I would have kept my sanity but for her and my children. I went off on such wild tangents for some many years that I wondered what was happening to me. It was like being another person. And on some level I think that I was. I think that one of my alternative aspects from my own soul gestalt may have taken over for some years.
I have heard of walk-ins, but never really thought too much about it. However, right after my husband died, the walk-in theory seemed to make sense, but I did not think of it in connection to me. It was a hypothetical. I was told that my husband might come back as a walk-in; I don’t think I really believed it. But it sure sounded good when I was suffering so much. A bit of a history on walk-in theory may be called for here.
It is my belief that we are all part of gestalt soul groups experiencing life on many different levels in the reality of all time is now. Only here on Earth School do we need linear time. Science has already proven that time functions in a different way in outer space. So I don’t feel the least “way out there” espousing the “all time is now” idea. In any case, when a soul walks into another life, there is a time of orientation and acceptance of the other soul reality, a bit of chaos which explains a lot. I believe that from a soul gestalt there are many different facets of an individual experiencing soul growth simultaneously in different realities both linearly past and future since all time is now. These aspects are like cogs on a wheel. And those cogs mesh into other soul gestalts, thus all our relationships. Some of our relationships are part of our own soul group at different levels of development. This may sound weird to some, but it makes perfect sense to me and recently I have had confirmation of this belief system. I hope this makes what I am going to say next have a bit more meaning.
Reincarnation and karma have little meaning in my life now. I have moved on to another level in that regard. All is changed by my knowledge of gestalt/alternative reality theories that I have only just recently put into my consciousness in a new more meaningful way with confirmation. Now when I need something in the way of spiritual confirmation it comes to me almost immediately in various ways, but not from reading or studying. It’s like the old idea of karma that when you do something it will come back on you 10 fold or if you do something in this lifetime you will have to experience it in another incarnation to pay the karmic debt so to speak. Only the way I see it is that the turn around time is much, much shorter for the information I need. I believe it is our choice to get off that karmic wheel whenever we can believe beyond it. We make our own reality. If you believe the classical definition of reincarnation and karma, then that is exactly what you will get. I think it all depends on how you accept what comes into your life. If you can remain unattached to outcomes, it changes everything. And that is living right now in the present moment.
I have really become quite adept at that; however, I confess I do not do it perfectly. Otherwise, I would not need to be here at all and I would not be experiencing the illness issues that I am coping with at this time. So I have only just recently truly internalized this belief system, now I will begin the journey of bringing it into my life. And it appears I will do it on my own as usual. It is strange how things work out. I am in need of this soul growth now and it appears the universe is making it happen in ways I never could have predicted.
I digress. It is lovely to share with someone who is right there where you are. It is not so much a pleasure to listen to someone who is just embarking on this journey. I don’t know quite what to say. I would never be so rude as to say, “been there, done that.” It would sound pious, and I realize that may be why I often sound pious or superior when I talk about certain things. So now, I am learning to just be quiet and listen. Sometimes we just need an ear, someone with whom we can bounce an idea back and forth. But too much of a silence on the other end of the conversation just translates as arrogance just as saying that you are not telling me anything I do not already know. Now this is a new understanding for me that just came out of these ideas I have been typing and some recent interactions.
My husband had an Uncle who was a Doctor of Theology and taught at William and Mary’s University for many years. We discussed religion now and then, just the two of us. He said he thought that I was far smarter than I realized. This was before higher education on my part. And then he said, “don’t say things that are beyond your listener.” He said, “You cannot take away crutches unless the person is ready to accept the something different.” He said that certain members of my husband’s family were not ready to accept my belief system or even hear them and that was alright. He said their idea of religion brought them comfort and that you do not want to take that away from someone who is not capable of accepting your truth. It does not make your truth any less valuable nor theirs. The student must be ready for a master to appear be it an individual or a book. We can’t take that process away from anyone. He was a fascinating individual. I loved all of my husband’s family, the aunts and uncles, like they were my own. They took me in and just loved like their own. How could I not do the same!
Okay, I’m growing tired. I will stop and reread for errors another time. I do hope this makes some sense.
May 18, 2011
And so, here I am again. This is getting to be an almost daily thing. It is rather relaxing. I’m very stressed right now, and trying to deal with some health issues. I need to go to work, but I wake up feeling like I cannot face the day. The stress of the last couple of years is really weighing heavily. But this too shall pass. Of that I am sure.
Perhaps I can go back to working on my novel as things calm down in my life. I would like that. I’m an easy writer. I’ve been making up stories for myself for most of my life. There were times in my childhood when I shared them with friends. But since being an adult, they have been a private pass time. It is only now that I feel the urge to put things down on paper. I would like to start painting again. These are activities that are not stressful and I know will be good for me.
Perhaps after a time, I could visit some old friends that I have had to leave along the way in order to save all my energy for my stress filled job. Yes, I would enjoy that.
I’m tired already. I’m going to stop for now. I thought I had some things I wanted to say, but it has slipped my mind now. Another time then.
Alright. When does a Soul enter a body?
I would first ask you a question. If you were a fully actualized Spirit or Soul coming back into this Earth School to learn and grow, when would you enter the fleshy envelope of a baby? Think about that.
You are a Soul made in the beginning as the Creator spoke the Word that brought all of this Wonder we call the Universe into Being. You are the Font from which all your entire Soul Gestalt has drawn life. You have all the knowledge available to that vast Pyramid of Souls whether at the beginning or the end all coming from the same Source. As the Gestalt grows wider toward the base, the Soul is more fractured into more and more specific areas of Soul Growth so that each is still part of the whole and yet on some levels an individual. I think that is perhaps the best definition I have been able to voice on this theory I call mine, Gestalt Soul Growth, which includes alternative realities. We will get to that later on.
Alright? When would you enter a fleshy envelope we know as the body of a baby? Would you, pardon me if I lapse into a bit of my own humor here, jump in there at the moment of conception? Would you be waiting there as the two souls who are in the process of creating your fleshy envelope going about that business to consummation? Would you be waiting for just that moment to pounce into those minute cells and claim life? What about privacy? How would you feel as a parent knowing that your new baby is sitting there on the side of the bed cheering you on as you work to produce a new soul? Would that knowledge inhibit your ability to really enjoy the moment? I suspect it would.
Let’s look at some different scenarios. A young woman is being raped. This is not a horrible gang rape, just a date rape. But the woman is fighting as though for her life. Or perhaps she has been drugged so that she truly lays there an innocent victim. Now picture your self there sitting on the floor (too much floundering on the bed) cheering on the process. No shame, no guilt, all that really matters is the Creation of the fleshy envelope.
Now, I say fleshy envelope because I am taking it for granted that you do not believe that two human beings can create a Soul. We create a body for a Soul to inhabit. As I said earlier, we were Created in the beginning by an Energy Source we call God… or any other number of names that mean the same. We as Humans are arrogant for sure, but I would like to hope that we don’t at least collectively think that we are capable of creating Souls!
Do you like the idea that a Soul is sitting there at your side waiting to pounce into your process of fertilization. It does not sound very savory to me. I would expect a bit more privacy than that. Now I hear some of you saying, “oh, the soul is not aware of the sex act. It is pure and enters without the knowledge of the act that has created it. Yeah, well, that is all well and good if it is a romantic interlude between two people who love each other and would never dream of gettin’ down and dirty with sex! But that is how it happens a lot of the time. Let’s not even consider again the ideas of rape or incest as a form of conception.
So, now, I hope that you are with me? The Soul is not there to pounce into the conception process. It is much too wise, ancient, and sophisticated to be so inclined. Think how many times you have looked into a baby’s eyes and said it was like looking into the eyes of an adult or a wise soul that knows what you are even thinking or so it seems. When I walk by babies on the street or in stores, I always smile and look into their eyes. I think towards them as though I am greeting an old and wise soul. They almost always look surprised, and then they do not want to lose my gaze.
That Soul is there for one reason and one reason only as I have stated many times, Soul Growth. With this knowledge alone we should look at our children in a different way than many do. I see people “goo gooing” and caring on like they are talking to little idiots, when that Soul might be even more developed than they. That does not mean that you should not shower your babies with love and comfort, you most definitely should. Goo and baby talk all you want, if it so pleases you. But also remember that you are “goo gooing” to a fully developed Soul who is very quickly going to go through a developmental process that is very, very quickly going to rob him/her of the memory of who they are and why they are in the world. And that is as it should be… how it was planned.
Now, I can hear you saying, “Okay, that’s all well and good, but when does the Soul enter the body?” And again I ask you, when would you want to enter a bunch of cells that are growing a fleshy envelope to house your Soul? Would you want to hang around in the womb for all of those nine months of gestation? Would you prefer to wait until the mass of cells is recognizable as a baby? Would you choose to move in and out of that little bundle of blood and tissue as it matures to birth? Would you prefer to hover, for lack of a better word, around the surroundings the Soul is to be born into and the family to be joined? Or would you wait until the moment of birth, that precious moment when the newborn makes its first wail of life? Or would you move in and out of the fleshy body after birth until you get used to its bodily functions, etc? Think how a new born seems to sleep most of the time. Think how different this is with different babies even to the same couple.
I had the great pleasure of watching my granddaughter being born. It was and is the most humbling precious moment of my life. When I had my own children, I was not able to stand back and watch so to speak, of course. I took care of her when her brother was born. I was so immersed in the process of her birth that I had little time to focus on anything else. I saw my first child as soon as she was born. In fact, she was laid across my abdomen, and she was beautiful. The other two, I did not see until the next morning due to a different type of anesthesia. But when I watched my grandbaby being born, I was, granted, pretty hysterical for my daughter. I knew what birthing a first baby was about. And she went through a very similar process as I. But I will never forget in my whole life how that sweet baby girl looked slipping into life and then lying over the doctor’s arm while he cut the umbilical cord and closed it off. He was like a Susi Chef; it was like a well oiled machine. And then when she gasped her first breathe, and that little lump of plump baby girl became totally animated! Her body changed colors and she began to move all over as she burst into life quite literally. Before she was just a lump of flesh, almost scary to me that she was not breathing as she came into the world, even though I knew the umbilical cord was taking care of all her bodily needs. I would have sworn that baby was not there until that happened. Maybe I was wrong, but that was how it felt. We, as mothers, have felt the baby there as it begins to move in the womb. But there are definitely times when it is more there than others. So I say to you, maybe a Soul chooses to spend long periods of time in the womb with the mother. Maybe a Soul chooses to hover around parent/s and family. Maybe a Soul waits until the very last moment so as not to be quite so marred down into the grey matter of this dimension too quickly. And perhaps some Souls move in and out of the body even months after birth. I believe all those hypotheses are possible.
If the Creator has created Souls in the beginning, and given the energy to create an entire Gestalt of a Soul to learn and grow; and that Creator has given us free will to learn and grow as we can and will, then I believe that the Creator is not stuck in the science of conception and birth, but rather in the growth of Souls who have chosen to come into this reality. Not to belabor the point, but we are here for one reason and one only… the growth of our Souls and our Soul Gestalts.
Feels like I should tackle Soul life plans and how we make the choices that we do, and why some things must happen while others are totally up for grabs so to speak. But I’m done in. I’ll have to read this later and see exactly what I have said and proof read for errors. I always trust that as this stuff rolls off my tongue… ah… fingertips, it is coming from some kind of inspiration not merely my imagination.
June 5th proofread below and continued:
Okay, I spoke of abortion below and I can almost here the gnashing of teeth, rending of hair, and ashes heaped on heads. LOL Sorry, you got to have a sense of humor, otherwise we become to marred into the emotion of such topics.
There is nothing whatsoever wrong with being anti-abortion. I understand completely. There are so many couples out there who would give anything to have a baby of their own. And since they cannot, then would give anything to be able to adopt one of those babies aborted. That I understand completely as I know all with a shred of compassion in their hearts must. But here I must remind you of our entire purpose here in this Earth School, we are here for one thing and one thing only, Soul Growth, not only for ourselves but for our entire Soul Gestalt. This is no mean task; it is to be taken with all seriousness realizing the truth. (I will speak another time on what it is that I have learned about the Soul's Spirit coming into a fleshy body here.)
Every single thing that happens to us is for a reason; it is planned by us for us. Once we have decided that we are ready to lower our vibrational frequency to the level that we can inhabit a fleshy envelope, we have done it with the complete knowledge that we will not recall those decisions. Not only will we not recall those plans for our soul growth, we will not even recall that this is the purpose for which we are here.
What purpose would there be in going to “school” with all the answers for your tests, all the knowledge there was to learn? There would be no reason to study, there would be no reason to crack the covers of a book and learn information. If all you had to do was look at the notes you jotted down on your forearm and pass the test there would be no purpose whatsoever in schools. Now that is a pretty elementary analogy, but that is about the jest of it.
For some reason, we are always looking for complicated answers, complicated reasons for our existence. God forbid that some of us would accept evolution over creationism. There is a good explanation for both theories, and they are not incongruent. Reincarnation is a fact. It is a much broader fact when one considers that it is happening in alternative realities, both as we consider past and future. In actuality, all we have is “Now,” if one will take note. You can only live right here and now. The past is dead, so to speak, and the future is there to be lived another day… at least in this Earth Plane.
I say it again and again, we are only here for one reason and that one reason is the growth of our Soul and that of our Soul Gestalt. The more we learn to trust that fact and realize that all of reincarnation and life it self is for our Soul’s growth, then we would start living the way the Great Masters of our many religions have taught. We would live our lives as carefully as possible not to incur any more pain than need be, not only to our selves but to all those we come in contact.
We have no reason to hate our neighbor. We may hate his actions, but we do not need to hate him. We realize that his soul is experiencing what it needs to experience. And he could possibly do it a lot better without being bombarded by the negative emotions of hatred.
This is one I’m working on. My neighbor tried to kill my tree and he may have succeeded yet. I watch the rotting holes where he had my limbs cut off against the tree trunk on both sides of the tree without my permission every time I step out into my yard. I’m of fiery Indian and Celtic blood! I could have ripped his head off! In fact, I fight that emotion everytime I step out into my yard or drive into my drive way. So I’m not trying to proclaim myself perfect. I’m just like all the rest of us, human and thus not infallible.
But I’m working on it.
June 5, 2011
This is as I know it to be. I cannot tell you were I learned all these things. Some I have read and felt the rightness of it. Some I have learned through intuition and insight. So I will share what I believe that I know. You may agree or not, that is your prerogative.
Grey Matter. I spoke of grey matter below. Grey matter to me is the layer or dimension that most souls here inhabit. It is a layer of illusion that has taken over everything and the soul has no memory of who they are. It is the space where such individuals as violent anti-abortionists inhabit.
They cannot see beyond their own ability to accept the teachings that are all around them if they would but open their eyes. They are stuck in a belief system that cannot maintain close inspection, but they do not have the eyes to see or the ears to hear. They would take the words of the Master Jesus and twist them into something that allows them immunity to kill all who are connected with the clinics they so misunderstand.
For one thing, these clinics do much more to prevent abortions that use them as birth control. They give free information and contraception. The belief that a human being is a human being from conception is not the case.
This body you inhabit is only an envelope to hold your soul, and only for a short time. Recall the blink of an eye is like a thousand years to the Creator. That little nugget of truth is not the whole story. All time is now. So all of time is like a blink of an eye for the Creator and all those souls on the other side of this dimension. We only need linear time in this place I call Earth School. Here we come to test our soul knowledge, to raise ourselves to higher vibration levels. In fact, we are as whole are preparing to move up into another vibrational level, another dimension. Many of us will go, and many of us will not. Those who remain will not necessarily know what has happened. There will be no massive disappearance of souls/people from this plane. Some will simply die natural deaths or so it will appear to others. Some will be lost in horrific earth changes, and still others will chose to remain out their natural lives to help protect this earth from destruction by merely being in certain locations.
This is all a very grand drama with many, many twists and turns all for the growth of the greater soul groups, which eventually will end in the eye on the top of the pyramid, the Creator. Then what? Will we begin again? That I do not know. There is plenty I do not know and strive to learn and internalize. It is so much easier to just stay sunk into the grey matter and exist day to day in the world as we know it. It is much more difficult to strive to quiet the mind and allow the Spirit to rise to its potential.
Okay, I digress. Abortion? If the Creator is the only source of Souls and we inhabit fleshy envelopes in order to learn and grow our Soul as well as our Soul groups, then what can an abortion destroy? Only the envelope… only the fleshy envelope that will house a Soul for a very short span of time can be destroyed by man. Only God creates Souls and only God can destroy them, though He does not. Rather he allows us the complete freedom to learn and grow from every single experience we can contrive for our Soul growth. God is love. We are the creators who conceive of ungodly things like a fiery hell and damnation forever. God does not conceive these things. Sadly, we make our own hell and forget that we can rise above anything if we only learn who we are and how and why we are in the world.
When this knowledge is imparted to a soul… the conscious mind of a Soul in this fleshy form, then life is viewed entirely differently. It will not solve all your problems, but it will make existence what it was meant to be, a learning process for soul growth with your complete knowledge and; therefore, cooperation.
Am I there yet? I surely am striving to be.
June 5, 2011
This is as I know it to be. I cannot tell you were I learned all these things. Some I have read and felt the rightness of it. Some I have learned through intuition, insight, and visions. So I will share what I believe that I know. You may agree or not, that is your prerogative.
Grey Matter. I spoke of grey matter below. Grey matter to me is the layer or dimension that most souls here inhabit. It is a layer of illusion that has taken over everything and the soul has no memory of who they are. It is the space where such individuals as violent anti-abortionists inhabit for an example.
They cannot see beyond their own ability to accept the teachings that are all around them if they would but open their eyes. They are stuck in a belief system that cannot maintain close inspection, but they do not have the eyes to see or the ears to hear. They would take the words of the Master Jesus and twist them into something that allows them immunity to kill all who are connected with the clinics they so misunderstand and hate.
For one thing, these clinics do much more to prevent abortions than allow themselves used as birth control device. They give free information and contraception as well as counseling for planned parenting. The belief that a human being is a human being from conception is not the case.
This body you inhabit is only an envelope to hold your soul, and only for a short time. Recall the blink of an eye is like a thousand years to the Creator. That little nugget of truth is not the whole story. All time is now. So all of time is like a blink of an eye for the Creator and all those souls on the other side of this dimension. We only need linear time in this place I call Earth School. Here we come to test our soul knowledge, to raise ourselves to higher vibration levels. In fact, we as a whole are preparing to move up into another vibrational level, another dimension. Many of us will go, and many of us will not. Those who remain will not necessarily know what has happened. There will be no massive disappearance of souls/people from this plane. Some will simply die natural deaths or so it will appear to others. Some will be lost in horrific earth changes, and still others will chose to remain out their natural lives to help protect this earth from complete destruction by merely being in certain locations.
This is all a very grand drama with many, many twists and turns all for the growth of the greater soul groups, which eventually will end in the eye on the top of the pyramid, the Creator. Then what? Will we begin again? That I do not know. There is plenty I do not know and strive to learn and internalize. It is so much easier to just stay sunk into the grey matter and exist day to day in the world as we know it. It is much more difficult to strive to quiet the mind and allow the Spirit to rise to its potential.
Okay, I digress. Abortion? If the Creator is the only source of Souls and we inhabit fleshy envelopes in order to learn and grow our Soul as well as our Soul groups, then what can an abortion destroy? Only the envelope… only the fleshy envelope that will house a Soul for a very short span of time can be destroyed by man. Only God creates Souls and only God can destroy them, though He does not. Rather he allows us the complete freedom to learn and grow from every single experience we can contrive for our Soul growth. God is love. We are the creators who conceive of ungodly things like a fiery hell and damnation forever. God does not conceive these things. Sadly, we make our own hell and forget that we can rise above anything if we only learn who we are and how and why we are in the world.
When this knowledge is imparted to a soul… the conscious mind of a Soul in this fleshy form, then life is viewed entirely differently. It will not solve all your problems, but it will make existence what it was meant to be, a learning process for soul growth with your complete knowledge and; therefore, cooperation.
Am I there yet? I surely am striving to be.
June 4, 2011
I am officially at the end of my work history as an art teacher. I have some fine stories under my belt if I care to share them, perhaps someday. Right now, I am focused on my classroom of which I have not finished cleaning out. I went in on Wed., but I was unable to finish. My car was full. So I do believe that I can get all I want of it on Mon. I will be glad to have that finished. A stressful day takes 2 or 3 to recover. I hope this is not going to be a part of my life now. I have some few health issues. We shall see. In any case, I can retire now… probably have to go on disability. We shall see. It’s very frustrating, but a more sedentary life still would be conducive to making art, which I have not done seriously since going to work.
I can’t help but recall being told in one of my hypnosis sessions that I did not need to teach or nurse. I was told that I had done that in many lives before. It was my choice; I had no karma attached to the callings. It appears that most service jobs are spiritual work or karma. It is strange, but I have always read and heard that we are supposed to be of service. My therapist said that there are many ways of being of service without taking on such stressful avenues. I somehow felt compelled, however. I think I have given back far and enough.
I know that I have made a difference in the lives of many of my students. For that, I am grateful.
June 2, 2011
Horrible Tornadoes in Mass. Note feeling of quaking in my solar plexus the day before this happening...
Another point, I never took trainings to do psychic or healing work... though I have a few times as well as worked with regression hypnosis... never for money, however.
May 30, 2011: Musings on last entries. (not proof read)
Below I spoke of grids over the entire planet. My first experience of these grids was, of course, reading about them. It was an interesting theory, but not one that I really wrapped my mind around. After all, I am much more interested in the spiritual, mystical aspects of our existence than I am the truly metaphysical. Metaphysical implies Theosophy, philosophy of the scientific and mathematical aspects of reality. As stated before, nuts and bolts don’t really mean that much to me. I take it in, and I know it influences my belief systems, but it is not the know-all of my way. For some people it is, and that is just great. If all our minds worked the same way, it would indeed be a very boring world in which to live and grow.
I digress. The first time I experienced this grid of which I was speaking was at a training seminar with my hypnotherapist. She took me to all sorts of trainings from different healing techniques to physic development. This one was on psychic development as well as healing techniques. It was a weekend thing. We were taught many different ways of channeling psychic information. One was to read from pictures. Another was from a person sitting right in front of you. Now the right in front of you was a challenge. I’d never attempted that. To look someone in the eyes and tell them about themselves and their future was very odd to me. I was torn between feeling like I could not possibly do that to just being bombarded by information that I was not sure was coming out of my head or true psychic insight. For that reason, I spent most of the reading looking down at our hands, eyes closed, or only glancing up now and then to smile and reassure the client/subject... they were volunteers, not paying subjects.
Oh, before I go any farther, let me assure you that this was not just a group of housewives or weirdoes. No, we had me (going through major depression after my husband’s death), nurses, a woman from a publishing house (wish I had kept up with her), chiropractors, secretaries, etc. I was surprised at the number of medical people there as well at all the trainings I went to for healing in particular. Some where sent by their hospitals who were learning that there is something to healing techniques that does aide in the healing process. I learned to be very adept at those techniques.
Okay, I’m off track again, but I just wanted to stress the fact that it was serious people at these trainings, not palm or taro readers and the like. Although I must confess I learned a bit of that as well. I am like a sponge for certain things! LOL Hands on spiritual stuff is my strength.
Any case, I was reading for a man who owned a chain of dry cleaning stores across the state. He was there with his wife and a young secretary. I told him that there was a romantic relationship with the girl. And that he seemed to like, blushing red. Then I told him that she did not return his romantic emotions, rather she saw him as a kind of father figure. That he obviously did not like. I told him that he was contemplating leaving his wife and that he needed to take his time on that decision. Then as I sat there with my hands on top of his, I saw a light grid all around the earth. At first it was like neon lights between large cities, but then it grew more and more complex. I told him what I was seeing and that I believed he would work within this grid complex in some way sometime in the future. He immediately said that he was planning to go national with his dry cleaning business. I tried to tell him that this was much larger than that, like a global grid of light. He could only think about the business aspect. I knew that this grid was important and that in the future it would take a lot of strong energy individuals to keep it together. I didn’t bother telling him that.
I did several of these types of readings with much success, but that guy still stuck in my mind. I compared notes with the reader for the publishing house, and she said she saw the same thing though she did not tell him that the girl was only infatuated with his money and his father figure status. She said that is what upset him with my reading; I went too far into territory he did not want to look at. And I’m quite sure that my information was somewhat like… well, a ball buster for lack of better words. Poor man… nah, I have no sympathy for him. He deserved what he was getting ready to receive from his little fling. I could have told him that if he did not watch his ppps and qqqs, his wife was going to take HIM to the cleaners, and little girlfriend would not nearly be so interested if he was pretty well flat broke. Actually, I wish I had now that I think on it.
I’m especially good at reading pictures, but I mostly recall the cleaners man. And that was because of the vivid image of the light grid system. It felt like an energy pulsing and the more people the more complex the system as well the more energy, of course. This grid in someway was keeping us all together in a constant state of confusion and stress. It was like grey matter pulling us down. And yet, it was a lighted grid. I just felt that it was very important that we know and understand what we were doing to our planet, because this grid was beginning to weaken in areas. And that was the sight of disasters; hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, volcanoes. But once the disaster was over, the negative energy that was there was cleansed away, and the grid became stronger there though not so complex. Not only was the earth wiped cleaned of pollution, but the people as well. Those Souls who crossed over to the other side of this reality; they where like lights rising into the atmosphere and then disappearing. The whole of our planet pulsed with this grid. But the larger the population centers, the more Earth Changes were taking place or preparing to do so.
That was a long time ago. I had not thought about that in many, many years. Yesterday in a conversation with my sister, she spoke about this grid; and it brought all these memories flooding back into my mind. I had seen this aspect of that grid, and I am sure there is a reason for that. I also saw a great destruction over our country. And I saw lack of communication with people. I saw people traveling by horse, mule, and carts. And they were moving along the largest of these lines. I know there is a nautical term for them. I’m not sure if that is what will happen here or in an alternative reality. But once triggered, the memory just keeps bringing other things into my mind.
I think the work with the grid lines right now is to keep our earth from going completely off kilter. Already our axis has begun to shift. Scientists know this. Some of us are here to be stabilizing forces in certain areas for this light grid work. I think that was what I was seeing for the man I read for as for my self and most of my family. There is a whole network of us, some not even realizing why they are here.
Okay, for example. For the last couple of weeks I just kept feeling like something was wrong. I would stop and say, what is it. Is it me or something or one near me? And things would get calm. I was and am wrestling with an infection in my body that is finally healing. So I have been lying on my couch or bed in pain for days on end as it came on. I did not recognize the symptoms until it was pretty serious. My focus was centered on myself. Illness will do that to a person. After learning about the disasters, I could relate those feelings. It's like a quaking in my stomach and a feeling of forboding. This morning I woke up feeling great, but right now; I'm having those inklings. I will watch and see if they rebound or rebate. Or if I am just up too long.
Okay, I’m tired… gotta stop for a time. I’m taking antibiotics; they make me feel like crap. They're a necessary evil sometimes, however.
May 30, 2011: Current state of my affairs.
Today I begin to feel like I have a new lease on life. Everyday that I am away from the negativity of my job I feel better. I did not realize how very stressful that was all the time. I mean, I knew it was a stressful situation, but I now begin to see that it was like living with psychic attack. I am very empathic. I know many different ways to fight that kind of stress, but I guess I was so immersed into teaching that I was not aware of the constant bombardment of negative emotions.
My students live in stressful environments, so they cannot help but project stress almost all the time. I hope that I taught enough of them to find respite in their artwork to make a difference. It always helps when a student confides their fear of failing the TAKS. When they tell you that they will drop out if they don’t pass, I tell them to never give up on you! My last day at work, this happened. The little girl found that she did pass. She was ecstatic, and stood in front of my desk with tears of joy saying that she was never going to give up on her! Those little things are what make a teacher’s job worthwhile.
I gave 12 ½ years to that school and the students there. That was enough. I think that is what my situation is telling me. And if I feel this much better this soon, then I can only imagine what it will be like in the weeks and months ahead. Already I feel like I don’t need to barricade myself in my house and be alone. That was what it felt like in the beginning. I just wanted to hibernate and let my body and mind heal. I can see and feel that process in motion now. I still have a lot to do to get this process finished, but I can see a light at the end of the tunnel now. It’s a long ways off, but it is finally there! LOL
Note: I dressed Dad’s grave yesterday. White Chrysanthemums and red Gladiolas; white for remembrance and red for love. It was very windy. I hope I planted them tightly enough. I think he liked it. *merry grinning* Daddy always loved flowers.
May 28, 2011: In which I expound on my soul group spirituality, energy grids, earth changes, and even a bit on Christianity. I'll have to proof read later on.... this tires me out... I have some health issues that are not helping...
Okay, one of the most important things that I am getting from these realizations is that there is no need for being right or wrong. Those energies pull down not only your soul group but all those connected to you. For each one of who is capable of freeing themselves from such thoughts and feelings uplifts all those around us. It also allows one to more easily stay focused in the present moment, and that is how we are meant to live our lives. We must experience the present moment and we cannot do so without giving it our complete “attention.”
“Attention,” that is a good concept to bring up now. Our intent is one of the things that matters in our actions. If our intent is positive, it will most surely bring about positive outcomes. If it is negative, we are again influencing the soul growth of many more than our own reality or realities for we are all interconnected. We are a part of a force field, a network, if you will, of energies all over our world. Those who are stuck in old intents are truly influencing all of us. But those who are able to rise above those intents or patterns are helping to uplift all of us.
I do not watch the news very often. I am most likely to watch political humor commentary on national issues. Therefore, things do get by me. But I believe that whatever I need to know will get through to me, if I have the need to know. Example; most of the tornadoes happened without my attention being focused on them. Once the worse was over, I was directed to them by questions from others.
As soon as I “knew” I began to watch. Only some of the time did I watch the TV commentaries; because I try not to allow myself to be grounded in negative energies. But immediately, I began to focus attention to that area through the Thunder Beings. I acknowledged that I realized the need for Earth Changes to cleanse the Earth Mother. Then I began to visualize the area impacted or possibly impacted and surrounded that area with my attention while asking that the impact be less than it had been. I asked that there be mercy there.
As I once again watched the news for the impact of the storms, I found that mostly those in those areas were focusing into cleaning up their lives there. And I almost felt the pain, then the realization that they were okay, and that ‘they’ were more important than anything else. So, so that an entire group of souls received knowledge that material things were not as important as the people they loved. Communities were pulling together, the nation as a whole was focused on these people and their needs both positive and negative energy. I know that many more than just I or those that I know were focused on prayerful energy to the area. I know that the ‘grid’ was now strengthening in that region.
First it was weakened with the destruction; then as people came together, the grid was being reenergized. And by reenergized, imagine a grid of lights all over the country, and then all over the world. That grid is weakened with disaster and the lights dim, then as people pull together and rebuild, it is strengthened once more. It is actually stronger than it was. So, Earth Changes are not only for the Earth itself; but for those who reside there. Some die, it is their time to “go,” for lack of a better word. Their going also influences the grid as people once again realize that life is more important than ‘things.’ Every single one of us is impacted by the crossing of a soul into the reality we call death. There we are met my members of our Soul Groups, and we are nourished and healed with unconditional love.
That holds true for every soul, not just “good’ ones. If a soul has crossed over for a negative reason, say they were put to death. They have murdered viciously, and we say; they deserve to die for their sins. It is my belief that there is no reason not to have the death penalty for these individuals. They impact the lives of all who have touched theirs whichever way they die. They are again brought into the soul group for healing and nourishing. But this Soul group has suffered at the hands of this enmity of the group. That individual and the entire group experienced a soul growth situation, yet one of their own has brought them down so to speak. That one, with the agreement of the entire soul group; will choose to “try again” to learn from the experience and make different choices. They will return to a different vibrational level; perhaps different aspects in alternative realities. Perhaps they already have. Perhaps most of the soul group rises above the negative energies. And still there is soul growth. Now in the context that all time is now, these experiences are going on right now; and we are all being informed through the growth of every single one of us.
I have said for a very long time that I feel there are many paths to the source, and I think in the end of these soul experiences we will find that there are a lot fewer of us than we expect. In fact, ultimately there will only be “the One;” that great I AM that I AM. Big pyramid there and lots of soul growth. And we have done this over and over again since the beginning of time as we know it here.
I believe that many are ready to make a transition to another vibrational level, a different dimension. That to me does not mean that we will be disconnected from those who are behind. No, I believe we will be informing their realities in order to help them ascend. Those who were the most violent or refused to grow from their experiences will in one or another remain in the lower vibrational level or dimension and begin again their slow ascent to the Source.
I do believe that in every time period there are Ascended Masters like Jesus, or Buddha, or any other number of their like. I believe that they try to inform a time period. But their teaching must pass through the minds and belief systems of the ones they are trying to teach. Confusion does abound as different individuals try to translate what they have received. Confusion over the meaning, confusion over the proof, confusion over who is ready and who is not, so that confusion muddies our power grid over this planet, our Earth Mother, who reflects where we are on a conscious spiritual level.
We are energy. We project energy with our thoughts and belief systems. If there is more negativity than positive energy then we do negative things as a society. We pollute our Earth Mother, we lord it over what we consider lesser societies, and we send negative energy to all areas of the planet. Our negative energy impacts the Earth in negative ways, and our society as a whole suffers as we stay mired in lower energy thought patterns. The weather reflects not only our state of being as a planet, but our state of being as people all over the world. The more negative energy, the more destruction we havoc, we pollute the planet for example because we believe that we have “dominion” over the Earth. We as a collective energy forget that we are the “caretakers” of the Earth. Eventually our collective energy will cause weather extremes, because we are all made of energy including our Earth Mother. We all collectively know that we are destroying our world and our thought processes hasten that activity.
I’m quite sure that most have heard or read that “we make our own reality.” That is absolutely correct. We make it on a soul level, we make it on a collective consciousness level, and we do it over and over again until we get it right.
And recall, a thousand years is like the blink of the eye to our Creator; therefore, us. We are experiencing our soul growth right now in this moment for that is all we have; right now. So it behooves us to let go of negative energy. We need to stop thinking in terms of needing to be right or wrong. We need to trust that there is a purpose to all things.
That does not mean to me that we should ignore nightmarish behavior of some. No, we have a right as a society and a duty to say that this individual deserves to lose his life either by life in prison with no chance of appeal or, yes, death. There is no excuse for a society as a whole to say that a child rapist for example has a right to a second chance when we know that he will offend again. There is no right to allow other children to suffer from his evil. He will get his second chance, and that will be as he and his soul group will. I suspect that one would much rather that a merciful God might judge, but that is not the case. Who judges us most harshly? Is it loving parents or our own selves especially in the full knowledge of what we have done and its effect on others? I don't want to elaborate here now.
The nuts and bolts I do not care about, what I do care about is that we understand that we are here for a purpose. We are here for a purpose as an individual, a soul group, and a collective society. We will all judge ourselves for our actions. And that judgment will come through our selves, our soul group, the great “We or Us.” In its simplest form, we are responsible as a society to protect the weak and care take of the planet. As we do these things, we do them not only to others; but unto ourselves for ultimately we are all One.
We must as a collective society open our minds trust in our moment to moment existence. For me if I am living right here now, I don’t have time to hate my fellow man or plot vengeance. I am thoroughly living my life as a whole human being who knows who s/he is and how to be in the world in a right way; this from my American Indian/Native American ancestry.
I believe that is one of the things that all our Indigenous Peoples bring back to us as a society right now. They, some, do remember who they are and how to be in the world in a right way. It is time that we all recall. In fact, it is imperative.
These things I have garnered through the study of spiritual matters of a life time. Perhaps it is time to give back as my hypnosis therapist warned me. For me, this quote says it all; “If we believe... there is no need for proof. If we do not... there is no proof possible.” Here recently I have heard this quote, and it is as it is supposed to be as validation that I am on the right path… a spiral to the Source, one that we are all traveling.
Good luck, children…
Not me talking down to anyone… I guess just a habit with my students. But suddenly it seems apropos. We are all children on this journey, even a crone like my self. By the time we have reached the age of 50 and more, we should have garnered some life experiences that are worth sharing. But in the greater picture of the cosmos, we are like grains of sand on the beach of life or a tiny pebble dropped into the sea. We are children moving up our spiral ladder of life. Sometimes there are times when a spiral loop drops down much farther than perhaps it should, but we learn from those experiences and we continue our ascent. That’s what it’s all about. Not the destination, but the journey… at least at this juncture in our soul growth. And it does not matter how many times we have to do it over, only that we pick ourselves back up as a Soul Gestalt and do it again until we get it right.
As I tell my students; education is process, not success or failure. You have to have it. So if you miss something along the way, you just take a break and get it. Then you move on. That is how it is with soul growth. We must have it. It is our entire objective in this Earth School, and it behooves us to use our time wisely.
It's a grand stage on which we are writing the play as we go along; and we are choosing the parts and those with which we will share them. Rehearse and rehearse, then act it out. And then if it is not what we wanted, we can always do it again. We are given that free will from a loving Creative Energy who does not judge or punish. We make those decisions. And the sooner we can get over thinking in terms of who is right and who is wrong in our personal lives and decisions, the farther along we are in our journey back to the Source. That’s my take on it.
I have reached that point where I can listen to another's opinion on the topic, then express my own, and feel no sense of that person being right or wrong... nor my self. It's just sharing. Perhaps we can give one another an inspiration or strike a cord of recall. That is what it is all about.
May you walk in beauty in a good way…
May 27, 2011
I forgot to say that without my children, there would have been nothing to hold me here. Be well assured that they are and were my salvation... and I guess they always will be. When that first grandchild was born, I felt I had a new lease on life. She was my darling. And then her brother came, and he is my darling as well. My Children and my grandchildren, they are what keeps me here in the world. Because I no longer believe that Suicide is a horrible sin. It is just another way of dying. Where it is cancer, an auto accident, or suicide; we will go back to our soul group and carry on with, of course, soul growth.
May 25th continued (not proof read) Where in I expound on my Alternative Reality, Gestalt theory of Soul Groups and the connection to Jesus, the Christ.
Alright and okay, now yesterday I went back to work after being off for about 5 days or 6 counting the weekend. I felt good. I thought, “I can do this.” I was excited about being able to work again. By the time half the day was over I could see that it was false bravado. I cannot work, not in a school environment or any other kind of stress filled environment. I can work well as I am here. I can work well creating artwork. Those things I can do, and I believe it is because those endeavors are what is required of me now so that I will receive optimal soul growth.
Science has proven that all time is now or at least that we experience time differently in outer space than we do here; and that the life we think we are living is only an illusion we have all agreed to accept. Broken down, it is like light reflected off particles. And we are the Soul Embodiment of the Creator choosing to inhabit this life time for, again, soul growth of not any one of us as an individual enmities but a whole conglomerate of Souls that are all us. It is a difficult concept to wrap a mind around. I’m me, and yet, I am myriad us? And though I have my own individual expression; that expression is going on over and over again in alternative realities and alternative time periods as we know it here on Earth School. And all of those realities are informing all of those realities. We are not developing as individuals. Oh, no indeed, we are not!
It is so much more than “my soul” as in my one soul that is me; it has to be in order for there to be so much growth in a place that is a kind of figment of our collective imagination. Why would many aspects of the same soul be any more difficult to wrap a mind around than one? For me it is elementary now that I have internalized the belief system.
I’m not scientifically interested in how all this works. Newton, Einstein, et al. are of no interest to me at all. The only thing that matters is that I understand our existence; or at least as much as I am supposed to understand at this time. Just like I don’t care how the car or the computer really works, I don’t care about the nuts and bolts of our existence. I have always been this minded. In college I was told that I was a philosopher and should do my Master’s work in that area. Even in Art Education, I was told that I should become an educational philosopher. I was told there were not enough of them with my insights.
Okay, I chose Art Education to teach and pay back for my education. Perhaps I should have listened to those Department Heads; I wonder where I would be now. No doubt, one of my alternative aspects is experiencing that direction right now. Who knows, perhaps this aspect that I call me did the same as the cogs of the soul wheels move in and out of all my alternative realities. What I do know is that not one of my Soul Group will move up to the next level of Gestalt reality, until “we all” make that leap of imagination and growth that allows for that to happen.
So it behooves me/us to work very diligently on Soul Growth; because in reality that is all that really matters. And love, working in this way is working with love; pure and simple love for all things, for those around us, for all of nature, and most of all for ourselves. We cannot truly love ourselves or anyone or any thing until we learn to love ourselves and who we really are in this world I like to call Earth School.
And many of us are ready to make that leap into another dimension of reality. That is what I believe. The Christians say “the rapture” where some will be lifted up and others will remain. I think they have no idea of just how close their belief system is to the real experience. And that if they do not start making that leap of faith, they may be the ones left behind.
Will it be a punishment? No, I don’t think so. It will merely be more Soul growth, not just for them; but for their entire Gestalt Soul Group.
I have always respected the teachings of Jesus, not the God Man, but the Human Man whom I believe came to this existence truly knowing who he was. He tried to tell the rest, but they were not capable of understanding his teachings. So they took what they were able to understand; and they built a religion around it. And they said Jesus died on the cross for their sins, they said they need not worry about sin. All they had to do was invoke the name of Jesus and they will be washed clean of their sins. I simply don’t think it works that way. Jesus was an Ascended Master. He knew that he was in God and God was in him; and he tried to preach that gospel, but it was so misunderstood. And it is still misunderstood.
And there are still those who are counting on saying, in Jesus’ Name; and they will be saved. Yes, all sins will be forgiven, but they will find themselves at the bottom of their own spiritual evolutionary soul growth. And they will have to slowly begin again that Soul Spiral back to the Source until they can open their minds enough to accept “the Truth.” And “the Truth shall set you free.” John, 8:32
I’m sure there are glaring errors, but proof reading will have to wait for another time. I did proof read the 23rd somewhat. Just minor changes… I'm tired now.
May 25, 2011: In which I look at my life and the twists and turns of my spiritual growth.
Having read what I wrote below, I altered the last paragraphs with new realization. I don’t think that I put it well. But here goes, I will try again.
This may sound very rudimentary, but I don’t think it is. I think we have all said at one time or another that “everything that happens is for a reason.” But I don’t think that we have put enough emphasis on that expression. I am looking at the idea that my depression has and is a Spiritual Path for me. If it were not for my spiritual growth I would not have met the Elder online who saved my life and taught me to learn who I am and how to be in the world in a right way. So my depression was a direct link to his teachings, which he was glad to share with any who wanted to listen and learn. I believe that he was like a guru, but one in the true sense that asked nothing of me at all any way shape or form. I recall saying one time that I should write a book. He said that I could do whatever I wanted to do with the knowledge. He said he had “given” it to me so what I chose to do with it was up to me. A beautiful man indeed; I was blessed to know and learn from a true master I believe.
I digress. If my Soul Group/Gestalt theory is correct, then it is very, very true that we are only here for soul growth. That means that every single thing that we do as well as every thing that happens to us is for that growth. And not only is it for our own personal growth, but for the entire soul gestalt growth. That is the only reason for our existence.
I was growing in my spiritual path, but I had hit a bump in the road, and that was the bump of just getting by working and raising my family. I took on work that was so stressful that I felt like I was drowning in it. Through all of this, however, I had my husbands love and support. Then like a rug pulled out from under me, he died. I was forced back into my spiritual pursuits in order to keep my sanity. Damn, I nearly lost.
Again, I was stalled in a relationship that was keeping me from more serious soul growth. My daughter died, and I dealt with it poorly. Soul growth, of course. Everything that happened to me was followed by a period of deep depression and complete despair so that my spirituality was my salvation. Each step of the way I was being dragged forward into a more perfect understanding of who I am and how to be in the world.
I look back at some of those experiences and I say I wish I had done it differently. But, if I had done it differently, would I be here where I am now? I doubt it. For me my spiral of soul growth has been deep dips that then spiral up into a period of deep awareness. Now I am manifesting some of that very knowledge garnered over a life time. And this time, I understand completely that every thing is for a reason… not a hypothetical, “I will understand some day” kind of understanding. I’m actually seeing the pattern and realizing how it is working in my life.
I’ve lost my job. I would like to continue working, but my depression is going to make that impossible. I may be able to work at my art work for a profit or maybe not. But I will have plenty of time to heal myself AND continue my spiritual awakening. And if I am right, and I know I am, then my entire Soul Group is learning from this experience. And I believe that we are dipping in and out of alternative realities and even time periods to “get what we need.” We look back at our past and sometimes we say, “It’s almost like that was someone else.” Well, it was. But that someone else was me… or we.
Our soul growth is the most important thing we are here for. And Soul Growth is our Spirituality; that grain of an idea that it’s the journey back to the Source, the Great Mystery, that is most important. And that is all it is. Absolutely everything that happens to us is for that growth. And we are making these decisions as a soul group... all of us together. And then those "us" who are other soul groups connected for a better word to our soul group.
So that every single thing that happens to us is well planned for that purpose and that purpose only; this is for the growth of the entire soul group or gestalt. And like any gestalt it goes on and on until the pinnacle is the Great I AM that I Am. The Creator is inside all of us and we are inside the Creator. And our sole purpose is to wind our way back to that Great Source. But first, we have to start where we are, our own little soul group. And all that we learn is going back into that Source, but all that we are is being honed to perfect like a diamond in the rough is smoothed into crystalline clarity. We will shine when we finish.
What I am doing now is manifesting my knowledge. And it is coming in waves and I am awash with the pure glory of it. How often I have said, this is for a reason, but I have said it in the sense that I will understand upon my death and crossing over to the other side. Now I know that I Am understanding right where I am at this very moment. And like the young woman from Atlantis, I will lift myself above the mêlée when it is my time to go. Whether there is Earth Changes or not, I will experience death in an entirely different way than I would have before.
I believe that I will be a "Woman Taken by the Wind" in one way or another. I’m excited. I am ready to see what comes around the next spiral of my journey. I believe that there is a lot better chance that I will spiral Up this time, and stay in that ascendance this time without regression back into the abyss of denial or lack of understanding. I will truly trust the plan that I have laid out for myself… the plan that my entire Soul Group has laid out for us... me.
Well, this should make all the difference.
May 23, 2011 - In which I address my spiritual growth exploring further my spiritual beliefs in regard to metaphysics, Native American Spirituality, depression in regard to said growth. As usual I am addressing my own belief systems and not preaching to anyone or trying to when converts in any way, shape, or form.
Reading what I wrote in my very first paragraph of May 20th, I am reminded of my theory of the way premonition is revealed to me. In the first days and weeks when I was so depressed after my husband’s death, I thought about what I knew about walk-ins. I had known about them as I spoke earlier, but I did not know then exactly the implication or where they would come from. Again, I think these thoughts were premonitions, NOT desires. When a thought comes through ones mind, it is quite normal I believe to think that it IS your thought per se. At that time it did not even cross my mind that I was seeing something that was coming, not something I desired.
This is how I learned of walk-ins. I read about them in Dick Sutphen material. Sutphen is one of the foremost names in metaphysics, and past life regression, and hypnosis in general. He is one of the most popular teachers of the uses of hypnosis in therapy as well as metaphysical ideas. I devoured his material at one time in my life. Everything rang bells, but I had found the Seth books before Sutphen; so I already had another theory germinating in my subconscious mind.
I digress, the way walk ins were explained to me was that they were other souls who for whatever reason were willing to come into a soul envelope or body if that soul in possession of such had a strong desire to leave. I was told that might possibly happen with my husband, this before my daughter’s death. So it was a rather vague idea with little support as to why or how one became part of this transfer. I had the idea of soul groups in my mind from the Seth material, but that knowledge was really in the hypothetical belief system phase. I knew of it and respected the logic of it, but had not quite internalized it. So this was really a fresh idea with little to back it up or give me validation as to it’s validity as I simply could not rationalize the process on a personal level at that juncture in my life.
I think at the time I needed more background and at that time in my life, the reinforcement or validation of having others endorse and agree with my belief system was very important. Of course, that indicates that it was not an internalized belief system, but rather a hypothetical one. At some point in my history of spiritual study I lost that desire for validation from others and began to look for it in other places.
At that point in time I was back at university studying Studio Art and Art History. I was very much into Native American belief systems. Contrary to popular belief, they are not all the same; however, they do have some common ground just as do the different Christian belief systems. Most importantly that there is only one God not animals worshiped as Gods as I have had so many who are ignorant of the belief system accuse.
The way I see it is just as Catholics might pray to a Saint or to Mary to intercede for their prayers to God, American Indian spirituality sees the Creator in all things in Nature. Therefore, all those things can go between as well as speak to an individual in a spiritual way due to the fact that Creator is in all things and all things are within the Creator. That made and makes total sense to me. And seemed to bring together all my other belief systems.
Now while I was spending years on my education and them some 12 ½ in teaching, I was fighting depression, deep depression, most of the time. Spirituality was still working in my life, however. In the last years of my education I was suicidal again, seriously so. I was at that time exposed to the belief system of a Canadian Indian (First Nations) Elder of Algonquian origin. I spent years in a Spiritual chat space learning from him. There were only a few of us who listened to his teachings seriously. Others came and went as they had little understanding of how the Indian mind works. I did, I am part… actually almost half or more; it’s hard to say. In any case, I recognized the part of teachings from Indian Elders where there is very little “walk this way, talk this way” instruction. There is commentary from the Elder and respectful questions that may or may not be answered or when one expects the answers. It is a different way of expressing and of mind workings.
I studied with this Elder for about 3 years very seriously. In that time, I was taught how to be in the world in a right way just as a child among The People might be taught. I was taught how to make my mind work in the Ways of my People. It has taken many, many years to really internalize and allow myself to trust my mind in this new way of working. Now that Way is mine. When I first began having very serious reinforcement was after spending time in a mental hospital. That’s right, a mental hospital. I was there two weeks so that medication could be adjusted to allow me to be in the world with some sanity and without constantly fighting the desire to take my life out of pure emotional despair.
After that, things began to happen one after the other. Spiritual incidents came in waves. I was back where I had been before my husband died when tree leaves would press themselves into my body, and I could speak to things and animals in nature and they would listen. That growth was interrupted somewhat, but never completely, after his death and that of my daughter. It appears to me that I had to break down my mental blocks to anything that was not “acceptable” spiritual experiences, anything that was slowing down my spiritual growth.
Oh, my goodness. Does that mean that I had to go through the deaths of my loved ones in order that my spiritual growth could continue the way it was supposed to? Did I reach some sort of block that would keep me from progressing? Did I need the experience with the Canadian Elder to bring about my acceptance and continuation of my growth? Of course, I did. But was my deep depression so that I would listen to him and trust him to teach me how to be in the world in a right way. These are many, many questions that have just come into my mind. I knew and know that there had to be a reason for their deaths, but I would not have thought to this purpose. I know that my depression was for a reason, but I would not have said purely so that I would take other stepping stones other than the ones I would have chosen.
I do believe that we will find that soul growth is the only reason we are here. Soul growth is the only reason we are connected to others of our Soul Group or Gestalt.
I need to stop. I’m growing tired. As usual, these ramblings seem to drain me of energy. I’ll proof read another time.
May 20, 2011: Okay, this is not proofread, but I am tired and must stop for now. It is rough for sure. So read if you will, but realize it may change quite a bit on the next reading.
Having just read my May 19th entry, I am aware that I did very little to explain the walk in theory as I espoused it for myself. I was so very depressed after my husband died that I did pray that if there was a walk in from my soul group that would come into my life and take good care of my children, I would allow it. I was suicidal. I mean seriously so.
Things changed. I can recall those changes. After my daughter died two years later it was as though I made a complete personality shift for a while in my life. Now I don’t know for sure, was it the walk-in theory, or was it a mental breakdown of sorts. I know that I did things and reacted in ways that were completely abnormal to me. So here is what I have come upon and had confirmation as to its validity.
When one is dealing with a soul group, it is not as though you are completely separate. You are not. You are connected, I believe even more so than say identical twins. There is constant bleed through between the alternative realities and the different aspects of your soul group. So that a walk-in would not be someone divorced from my personality. In fact, we would have very similar personalities though we would be dealing with different experiences and periods in history. It may be that we trade places at some points in our experience for what? Soul growth, of course, that would be the only reason.
Recently I discovered in looking back at my past and my premonitions that I have repeatedly read them wrong. Many times when I am seeing a future situation in my mind, I believe that it is expressing my inner thoughts. I have learned that I need to see these incidents differently. If say, for example, I find myself thinking of retirement even though I feel I could not begin to do so and those thoughts keep recurring, then I need to take a closer look. What I have finally figured out is that I am not thinking of retirement, I am actually anticipating it as a physic premonition.
Right now I am retiring not by choice, but for health issues. My job has ended due to budget constraints as I have mentioned earlier. However, I have found several school districts not as far away as the one I have been working that are looking for Visual Art teachers. But, I cannot work due to health issues. Therefore, I am being forced into retirement.
Now this turn around recognition of what is happening has only been weeks in the making. But I can look back at my past and see this pattern repeated over and over again! When my husband died, it just kept popping into my head that I would outlive him. I would mentally chastise myself that I was being arrogant or morose. Before my daughter’s auto accident, I had the thought to tell her to take my suburban instead of her VW. I brushed that off as foolish. She was going to pick up her boyfriend from work. She always drove her car, and was not used to driving my big old vehicle. Now I can see in retrospect that I was being given the premonition that my husband was going to die before, and in fact, way before me. And I was being given the premonition that my daughter might be in an auto accident.
God knows I wish I knew this then; perhaps I could have changed it. And yet I know that if it was meant to be changed, I would have been able to do so. I went through a lot of guilt that I was not able to stop those two incidents. It took me a very long time to internalize the fact that I don’t have the power over life and death. Things happen because they are supposed to happen and it is all for the soul growth of all involved. I believe that completely now and I have for a very long time. It’s only been in the last years that I have internalized this belief system completely.
And now, the Soul Group/Gestalt/Alternative Reality/Different Soul Aspect theory as I espouse it is what it is. The only reason we are here is for soul growth and that soul growth is for our entire gestalt or soul group. And the next step is to what… nirvana? Perhaps. We will continue our soul growth until we are rough diamonds that are smoothed and clear like pearls that start out as a piece of gravel and build until they are round and smooth and beautiful. We will be pure and then our soul will move up the gestalt to another level.
I believe that is what is happening now. We are all growing into another level of reality. All of us. And wherever you are in your level of spiritual growth is perfect! We are all right here right now doing exactly what we are supposed to be doing at this given time and place. It’s how we accept what comes into our life that makes all the different.
Be still and let God. If we can just remember to do that, everything will be just fine.
May 19, 2011
There are people in my life who are studying Theosophy, the study of spiritual and science together. I think that is wonderful. For me, however… “been there, done that” many years ago and mostly by myself now that I think of it. It seems that most of my important soul growth here has been accomplished pretty much on my own. There have been times that I wanted to share and welcomed the opportunity to do so. There have been times when I had teachers as well. My hypnotherapist is a good example. After my husband and daughter died, I doubt I would have kept my sanity but for her and my children. I went off on such wild tangents for some many years that I wondered what was happening to me. It was like being another person. And on some level I think that I was. I think that one of my alternative aspects from my own soul gestalt may have taken over for some years.
I have heard of walk-ins, but never really thought too much about it. However, right after my husband died, the walk-in theory seemed to make sense, but I did not think of it in connection to me. It was a hypothetical. I was told that my husband might come back as a walk-in; I don’t think I really believed it. But it sure sounded good when I was suffering so much. A bit of a history on walk-in theory may be called for here.
It is my belief that we are all part of gestalt soul groups experiencing life on many different levels in the reality of all time is now. Only here on Earth School do we need linear time. Science has already proven that time functions in a different way in outer space. So I don’t feel the least “way out there” espousing the “all time is now” idea. In any case, when a soul walks into another life, there is a time of orientation and acceptance of the other soul reality, a bit of chaos which explains a lot. I believe that from a soul gestalt there are many different facets of an individual experiencing soul growth simultaneously in different realities both linearly past and future since all time is now. These aspects are like cogs on a wheel. And those cogs mesh into other soul gestalts, thus all our relationships. Some of our relationships are part of our own soul group at different levels of development. This may sound weird to some, but it makes perfect sense to me and recently I have had confirmation of this belief system. I hope this makes what I am going to say next have a bit more meaning.
Reincarnation and karma have little meaning in my life now. I have moved on to another level in that regard. All is changed by my knowledge of gestalt/alternative reality theories that I have only just recently put into my consciousness in a new more meaningful way with confirmation. Now when I need something in the way of spiritual confirmation it comes to me almost immediately in various ways, but not from reading or studying. It’s like the old idea of karma that when you do something it will come back on you 10 fold or if you do something in this lifetime you will have to experience it in another incarnation to pay the karmic debt so to speak. Only the way I see it is that the turn around time is much, much shorter for the information I need. I believe it is our choice to get off that karmic wheel whenever we can believe beyond it. We make our own reality. If you believe the classical definition of reincarnation and karma, then that is exactly what you will get. I think it all depends on how you accept what comes into your life. If you can remain unattached to outcomes, it changes everything. And that is living right now in the present moment.
I have really become quite adept at that; however, I confess I do not do it perfectly. Otherwise, I would not need to be here at all and I would not be experiencing the illness issues that I am coping with at this time. So I have only just recently truly internalized this belief system, now I will begin the journey of bringing it into my life. And it appears I will do it on my own as usual. It is strange how things work out. I am in need of this soul growth now and it appears the universe is making it happen in ways I never could have predicted.
I digress. It is lovely to share with someone who is right there where you are. It is not so much a pleasure to listen to someone who is just embarking on this journey. I don’t know quite what to say. I would never be so rude as to say, “been there, done that.” It would sound pious, and I realize that may be why I often sound pious or superior when I talk about certain things. So now, I am learning to just be quiet and listen. Sometimes we just need an ear, someone with whom we can bounce an idea back and forth. But too much of a silence on the other end of the conversation just translates as arrogance just as saying that you are not telling me anything I do not already know. Now this is a new understanding for me that just came out of these ideas I have been typing and some recent interactions.
My husband had an Uncle who was a Doctor of Theology and taught at William and Mary’s University for many years. We discussed religion now and then, just the two of us. He said he thought that I was far smarter than I realized. This was before higher education on my part. And then he said, “don’t say things that are beyond your listener.” He said, “You cannot take away crutches unless the person is ready to accept the something different.” He said that certain members of my husband’s family were not ready to accept my belief system or even hear them and that was alright. He said their idea of religion brought them comfort and that you do not want to take that away from someone who is not capable of accepting your truth. It does not make your truth any less valuable nor theirs. The student must be ready for a master to appear be it an individual or a book. We can’t take that process away from anyone. He was a fascinating individual. I loved all of my husband’s family, the aunts and uncles, like they were my own. They took me in and just loved like their own. How could I not do the same!
Okay, I’m growing tired. I will stop and reread for errors another time. I do hope this makes some sense.
May 18, 2011
And so, here I am again. This is getting to be an almost daily thing. It is rather relaxing. I’m very stressed right now, and trying to deal with some health issues. I need to go to work, but I wake up feeling like I cannot face the day. The stress of the last couple of years is really weighing heavily. But this too shall pass. Of that I am sure.
Perhaps I can go back to working on my novel as things calm down in my life. I would like that. I’m an easy writer. I’ve been making up stories for myself for most of my life. There were times in my childhood when I shared them with friends. But since being an adult, they have been a private pass time. It is only now that I feel the urge to put things down on paper. I would like to start painting again. These are activities that are not stressful and I know will be good for me.
Perhaps after a time, I could visit some old friends that I have had to leave along the way in order to save all my energy for my stress filled job. Yes, I would enjoy that.
I’m tired already. I’m going to stop for now. I thought I had some things I wanted to say, but it has slipped my mind now. Another time then.